This Puzzle of Mine
by floweroftheages
Summary: CHAPTER 26 IS UP! 15 year old Zadie Grey has never met her dad, and he hasn't met her. In fact, he doesn't even know her existence, but that's about to change... Mainly about Meredith's 15 year old daughter Zadie Grey.
1. Seriously Speaking

**(Untitled so far, but this is were the title will go when I come up with one.)**

**Summary: **15 year old Zadie Grey has never met her dad, and he hasn't met her. In fact, he doesn't even know her existence, but that's about to change...

**Spoilers: **No major spoilers for those who has seen up to and including like "Into You Like a Train" or so, but I think many, many, many of you have.

**Disclaimer: **As usual nothing of this belongs to me, unfortunately, as it belong to the great Shonda Rimes, and probably ABC as well. I'm just using the characters for entertaining purpose only, so I'm not making profit out of it. As said; just entertaining. Though i have to take a little credit for making up the story... But in the end: all honor to Shonda clapping my hands.

**Author's Notes: **So this story is set about 15 years from "Into You like A Train", as Zadie is now 15. Meredith moved away after Derek picked Addison and after she that she found out she was pregnant, though she never told either her friends or him about it. Now 15 years later Meredith has a daughter and she's a neurosurgeon... Just wanted to straighten thing out before you read, but more thing will be straightened as you read. If you think I've made the characters not characteristically correct, I apologize but keep in mind that they have aged 15 years and a lot can happen in that amount of time. But, again, I'm sorry if that's the case. Well this is my first "big" Grey's Anatomy fic as I've just written a couple of one-shots, but I think this will turn out good. Please give me feedback if you think I should/could improve anything, or just if you think the fic is good. I'm from Sweden so be a bit overseeing with spelling and/or grammar mistakes if there are any, but I'm quite good at English so I hope there won't be many. As it is now, I've got four complete chapters and I'll be adding them as soon as I get some response from you readers. But there are probably going to be a lot more then those 4.So I think that was all for now. Just read and have a great time, and of course: review!!!

**Chapter 1 - Seriously Speaking**

"Zadie! Get up, now!"

15-year-old Zadie Grey sighed, hearing her mother's voice pierce through the air. In defeat she climbed out of bed.

Monday morning and school was back on the schedule after a whole weekend of late mornings with tons of sleep. Zadie liked sleeping, and so did her mother. But seriously speaking; what 15-year-old school girl and 41-year-old renowned neurosurgeon don't?

Standing in front of the mirror, Zadie viewed herself from top to toe. She was a serious case a mixed up DNA-puzzle. The mousy blonde hair she had gotten from her mother and the small frame as well, but the eyes and the smile, which her mother always referred to as "dreamy", were the bits that were tricky. Zadie's eyes were deep blue, her smile was "dreamy", and clearly not the same as Meredith Grey's.

Zadie had figured out that those bits were from her father. The father whom she'd never met that lived on the other side of the country. She knew he lived in Seattle , worked as a surgeon and that he was married. Meredith hadn't told her much more. Not even his name! It made Zadie angry. Angry at her mother for being there, keeping her mouth shut, and angry at her father for not being there, unable tell her anything.

But again; seriously speaking, can you be angry at someone you've never met and on top of that, someone who doesn't know your existence?

"Zadie!" her mother shouted again and Zadie could hear her footsteps bang against the wooden floors in the corridor outside the room.

Three seconds later her mother, Meredith Grey's head appeared in the door. "Zadie are you coming?" she asked, looking at her daughter dressed in the red and pink Hello Kitty-panties and the homemade t-shirt she had gotten from her best friend Skye. "What are you doing sweetie?"

Zadie sighed and put on a pair of black jeans and a black shirt with large red letters reading "Down Under..." not bought in Australia ... "I'm trying to figure it all out..." she said and passed Meredith in the door.

"What?"

"The puzzle mum..." Zadie exclaimed before disappearing into the kitchen.

**Author's Note:** I know this chapter was very short, but I can tell you the other ar looonger. just be patient! So reviews... I want them...


	2. Leftover Grilled Cheese

**A/N: **Thank you so much for the reviews! It really made my day! Well as far as all the question they'll be answered in the next couple of chapters. Hope you'll enjoy this chapter and review

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**Chapter 2 - Leftover Grilled Cheese**

Zadie sat down by the kitchen table and waited for her mother to join her, and she did.

Meredith walked over to the fridge and took out a box.

"Left over grilled cheese?" Zadie sighed when she realized what was going to be her breakfast which was supposed to be the most important meal of the day. "Grilled cheese, mum? Seriously?"

Meredith sighed. "I've got no time for baking bread and squeezing oranges all morning," Zadie gave her a glare. "not today anyway. I've got 3 _scheduled_ surgeries, and I'm on call, so you'll have to take care of yourself tonight, maybe you could ask Skye to come?"

Zadie nodded. "Mum, I'll fail home science cause when I'm asked what a good, nutritious breakfast withholds I'd say leftover grilled cheese and coffee, and Skye comes over here every time you're on-call... Noticed already? No wonder why I get away with so much stuff..." Zadie said quietly out of Meredith's ear range, and walked over to the big calendar on their kitchen wall. She sighed, realizing what a big mistake she had done by leaving her bed. "I've got the day off today..."

"What? You do?" Meredith asked, turning away from the kitchen counter.

"No..."

"You don't?"

"Mum, I just said I did... God, I was just kidding!"

Meredith looked strangely at Zadie. "Really fun, I'm laughing... But why did you go up then?" she asked and sat down by the table, handing Zadie a plate with the "breakfast", and a cup of coffee.

"Cause you told me to..."

"Since when do you listen to me?"

"I just didn't want to be late for school..." Zadie said with her mouth full of gross, plastic like cheese. She spat it out on the plate. "Yuck!"

"Zadie!"

"Oh seriously mum. You can not say this," Zadie pointed at the plate. "looks or is eatable? Seriously?"

Meredith sighed and gave in for her daughter's statement that the cheese was indeed gross. "Okay, it's not good..."

"Finally..."

They sat quiet for while; Meredith reading the New York Times and Zadie zipping of her coffee that was no where near as good as the coffee from Starbucks she bought every other day on her way home from school.

"You talk in your sleep, you know..." Zadie said, breaking the silence.

"Ahaa..." Meredith said without taking any notice in what her daughter just said.

"Yeah you do... Pick me... choose me... love me..." Zadie looked up at her mother, who dropped the magazine and it fell to the floor with a soft sound. "Oh and you mumble McDreamy too..."

"Zadie..." she exclaimed.

"You said those words to dad, didn't you? And you called him McDreamy." Zadie asked head on, feeling pretty smart of figuring that out. "Mum?"

"...Zadie we've talked about it..."

"No that's the thing; we haven't. All I know about my dad is where he lives, what he does and his marital state. Seriously mum! I don't even know his name, and it's freakin' weird!" Zadie paused taking a deep breath. "Mum, from the day I learned how to talk, you told me I didn't have dad, and from that day I questioned you saying that everybody have a dad. It feels like a bi-"

"Oh Zadie, don't give me the hole-in-my-heart-speech, seriously. I won't work because there is no hole. You can't miss someone you've never met." Meredith exclaimed on the edge of anger.

Zadie had asked her a million times about her dad, about Derek. When she moved to New York, she was to sweep him and everything else back in Seattle under the rug. It hadn't been easy. She had to cut the strings to her friends, and that was hard. The day she moved, Meredith had gone to work with them like every other morning. Everything had just been normal; Izzie pondering over her relationship with Alex, asking everybody what they thought, George saying "Alex is Alex" and Christina just being her normal, sarcastic, harsh and competitive self.

That very same day Meredith slipped three letters into their lockers telling them she was moving. Her cell-phone was on the edge of exploding that night. But she did what she had to do, what she felt was right, and she didn't answer any of the calls.

Many times she wondered if she had done the right decision by moving, and not staying to deal with it and tell Derek. Even though it sounds a bit cruel Meredith sometimes laughed at how he was unknowing about everything. How she got away with a daughter. Of course the staff at the hospital knew she had Zadie. When Meredith came to St Helen's Hospital she was still an intern, but the Chief of Surgery; Darcie Hanning had been very understanding, not that Richard Webber wouldn't have. But as said, it was just too complicated with Derek, especially him being married to Addison.

"You're a basket case..." Zadie said, after a long silence between them. "Deal with the fact that I want to know my dad, because you can't erase someone, especially not a father..."

"I know I can't do that!" Meredith sighed, and looked down for a moment to avoid her daughter's eyes, Derek's eyes. Many times it felt like it was him who was looking at her. The similarity was striking hard, and they pierced her. "So what do you want to know?"

Zadie just looked at her mother, with her mouth half open. "Seriously? After 15 years of silence, you're now opening you mouth? Because I called you; 'basket case'?"

"What do you want to know?" Meredith repeated.

"His name..."

Meredith looked down again, regretting her own, just spoken words. "Why not his favorite band?"

"Why not his name? Mum! You asked what I wanted to know. I want to know his na-"

"You don't have to no his name Zadie!" Meredith tried, knowing she couldn't convince her but it was worth a shot.

"The first thing you ask someone you see for the first time is their names, not what their favorite band is!" Zadie rose from her chair, and started to walk around the table. "What can be so bad about it?" she turned around and ran a hand through his hair.

Meredith gave out a laugh at the thing Zadie just did. It was another thing she had gotten from her dad.

"What now!" Zadie exclaimed furiously. "Mum!?"

"Nothing..."

"Whatever... Perhaps you won't tell me his name because he's some big time surgeon known all over the country... "she murmured, not looking at Meredith.

Silence and that Zadie noticed.

"He is!!!" she exclaimed.

"No..." Meredith lied. "No, he's not..."

"You're a bad liar." Zadie reminded her mother. "And Google's a great search engine just so you know."

Meredith looked at Zadie and the she rose from the table. "There's some money in the jar on the counter if you and Skye want to buy some pizza and I think Mark said he'd drop by to see how you're doing. I'll see you in the morning, okay." she gave Zadie a kiss on her cheek. "And I was _not _the one naming him McDreamy."

"Mum! Seriously!? Is that all you have to say? Seriously!?" Zadie exclaimed, following her mother out in the hallway. "Meredith!?"

"Zadie, don't do anything you'll regret tomorrow, okay." she said and closed the door behind her, leaving a dumbfounded Zadie in the hall.

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**A/N: **So now you've finished the second chapter. What did you think guys? Good, bad, wonderful, disastrous? It is quite a bit longwer than the first chapter, and they'll become longer I can tell you... Well anyway, hope you like it! And that Mark-guy, maybe it is who you think it is, maybe not? You'll absoultely see in the next chapter I think... Well all I have to say now is; review! 


	3. Finding McWho?

**A/N:** Thanks guys for the reviews! It really makes me feel good! Thank you IslandGurl90 for the title, I think it's matches really great. Well, so here's the third chapter, jope you like it!**

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**Chapter 3 - Finding McWho? **

Zadie walked up to her room and sat down on her bed. Her mother was indeed a bad liar. As Uncle Mark, who in practise wasn't her uncle, had told her:

_"If she bites her lip and looks down at the corner of her eye, being all quiet, you know she's lying." _

That he told her when she was three and from that Christmas Zadie stopped believing in Santa, cause when she asked her mother if Santa Claus was real, she did exactly as uncle Mark said she'd do.

Uncle Mark, Zadie had known whole her life. He wasn't a real uncle of hers cause Meredith didn't have any siblings. Mark was just a very good friend of theirs' and a very good guy, always giving her cool birthday gifts and Christmas presents. He was a surgeon too, just like Meredith and he knew who her dad was.

Zadie had asked him, as early as yesterday when he picked her up from school about him...

_"Mark?" Zadie asked as the green trees swished past outside the window._

_"Yeah, what is it Zade?" Mark said and looked away from the road for a second and smiled kindly at her. _

_"You know my dad right?"_

_"Knew, past tense." he sighed, and Zadie could spot a glimmer of sadness in his eyes._

_"Did you know him well?"_

_"Yes I did, very well, but now I haven't seen him in about sixteen years." Mark said, pulling over, and he turned off the engine. "So here we are."_

_Zadie looked up at the red townhouse and then at Mark again. "Tell me about him..."_

_Mark stepped out of the car and smiled, opening the door for her "No, I don't think so. Mer would get really mad if I did."_

_"You're unbelievable do you know that? Both you and mum." Zadie said and walked up the steps to the door and put the key into the lock. "Thanks for the ride, I'll see you tomorrow."_

_"You're welcome Zade and say hi to your mum for me for me!" he said and drove off._

Zadie looked at the phone. She new what she had to do, the only thing she could do. It was irrational, but irrational was her middle name. Picking up the phone and dialling the number, Zadie smiled hearing her best friend's voice.

"Skye here."

"In for a road trip?" Zadie said and she could here her best friend give out a laugh.

"I'm coming..."

15 minutes later Skye sat down in the Grey living room.

"So where are we going? Downtown? Queens?" Skye said as she sipped of the Starbucks-coffee she brought and looked curiously at Zadie.

Zadie gave her a look and Skye knew exactly what it meant.

"Oh no, no, no... Zade, no..."

"Oh come Skye, it'll be fun..."

"Zadie Awen Elizabeth Grey! No!" Skye said standing up quickly. "I'm not going to play Sherlock freakin' Holmes with you, especially not in Seattle!"

"Why not?"

"Because A: do you remember when we went out to search after my teddy bear, that my big brother 'accidentally' threw in the garbage?"

"Yeah, I remember Mr Honeybutt..." Zadie gave out a laugh at the silly name Skye had chosen for her teddy. And of course the hunt they had, at the age of 8, started on before getting caught by Donna, Skye's mother. By then they were already by the Brooklyn Bridge. "That was not my idea!"

"I know that, and B: do you know where Seattle is!?" Skye crossed her arms over her chest. "Seriously?!"

Zadie sighed. "On the west coast."

"Exactly!" Skye exclaimed.

"And your point being?"

"It's on the west coast!"

"There are airplanes, you know..." Zadie said after a while of silence, nudging Skye's shoulder.

"I know..." she answered, and Zadie could see Skye looking at her from the corner of her eye.

She smiled. "So what are we going to do?"

Zadie gave Skye a hug. "We're going to find McDreamy.

"Finding McWho!?" Skye exclaimed, dumbfounded.

"My dad..." Skye looked the same. "My mum used to call him that."

"Ahaa..." she smiled mischievously. "That must mean he's dreamy..."

"Uhh!" Zadie shrugged. "He's 40 or 50 or I don't, but I think he's quite a bit older than my mum."

"Just so you know, 50-year-olds can look hot; Brad Pitt's 57 you know..."

"You keep telling me..." Zadie sighed.

"So how do we get there, I mean how do we get tickets?" Skye asked as they walked up to Zadie's room."

"God's gift to man kind: internet!"

"...and money?"

Zadie smiled as she turned on the computer. "It isn't for nothing my mum makes 1 million dollars a year, and I know where she's got her credit cards."

Skye gave out a laugh.

"So 2 tickets to Seattle 10:30 pm... Sounds good?" Sadie looked up at Skye behind her back. "That's two hours from now."

She nodded. "I think that'll be great, and it takes about 5 hours from coast to coast so we'll be in Seattle by, with acknowledgment of the time changing; 12:00 pm.

Zadie nodded back and pressed "ok", and the ticket were theirs' to pick up. "We should go now, so we can get the tickets early."

"Okay, but before we'll have to go by my place and get some stuff." Skye reminded as Zadie started to collect her things around the apartment.

"Yeah okay, but what about your parents?" Zadie said as she wrote down a quick note to her mother and leaving it on the kitchen table and emptying the jar with money. "What are we going to say to them?"

"Meredith's on-call right?"

"Yeah, she is..." Zadie smiled as she put on her jacket and she locked the door behind them. "Oh she is..."

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**A/N: **So... Zadie went after him... Hm, wonder how it will go... He he... Well anyway, that thing with booking the tickets over the internet, I made it up... In real word it probably doesn't work like that... And the time changing thing, I didn't know what to write so that was the out come... Well as said earlier, hope you liked it! And please review!!! 


	4. Crap!

**A/N: **I am so flattered by all the good (!) things you're writing about this fic! It's really nice, and it's warming my heart... Well, a lot of you are really looking forward to the moment when Derek'll meet Zadie and the other way around, and how he'll react. As far as I know at this moment; I don't know! I haven't figured that part out yet... Well, have a nice reading time!

**Chapter 4 - Crap!**

... a few hours later...

As Meredith stepped out of the OR after a very successful surgery, her phone started ringing.

"Meredith Grey."

"Hi I'm calling from American Airlines. We ju-"

"American Airlines?" Meredith asked cutting-off the overly nice lady.

"Yes, we just wanted to know if you want to take part in any of our special offers since you-"

"Since I?" Meredith, asked feeling something in the back of her head that wasn't right.

"Since you bought 2 tickets earlier today, so we just wanted to kn-"

"Oh no..." Meredith exclaimed closing her eyes, knowing what had happened.

"Excuse me?"

"Oh I didn't mean you. I have to go, goodbye. Thanks anyway..." Meredith hung up and quickly dialed another number.

"Hello."

"Mark? Please tell me your sitting by my kitchen table talking to Zadie..."

"No, I'm outside. I've been knocking the door for ten minutes. There's no one answering."

"Crap!" Meredith exclaimed when the one thing she knew could happen today had happened. "Crap!"

"You don't think she's at Skye?"

"No... I know she's not there. Look I just got a call from American Airlines telling me that I bought two tickets to Seattle, and Zadie and I argue about her dad this morning." Meredith said as she started to walk faster through the hall. "Trust me; she' not at Skye's."

"Okay, well she asked me about Derek too, yesterday. Though I didn't say anything." Mark said and sat down on the steps. "What did you say to her?"

Meredith went quiet.

"Mer?"

"I told her that she doesn't have a hole in her heart, because she can't miss someone she has never met. Then I got tired of her asking so I asked what she wanted to know and she said his name, and I chickened out." Meredith paused. "Then she said that he's probably some big time surgeon known all over the country and I tried to lie. You know I'm a bad liar!"

Mark gave out a laugh. "I know, and Zadie really knows it..."

"Crap!" Meredith cried. "Derek will find out, and if I know my daughter like I think I do she left as early as possible, and if that's the case she and Skye are already in Seattle! That's crap!"

"We have to go there!" Mark said.

"What? You and I?" Meredith exclaimed in disbelief. "Do you know how that'll look? You and I; the dirty, old mistress'. Seriously?!"

"Yeah..."

"You and I?" Meredith repeated. Together? Looking for a teenaged girl? Do you know what people will think?" Meredith asked. She didn't think that it was the brightest idea. She and Mark together in Seattle. In New York there wasn't anyone questioning their friendship, but in Seattle it would most definitely be.

After all: they were Mark Sloan and Meredith Grey.

When Meredith had moved to New York, she had accidentally bumped into a guy in the street without knowing it was Mark Sloan; thee Mark Sloan...

_"Oh I'm so sorry!" Meredith exclaimed, when she hit a man's shoulder and papers started to swirl around on the pavement. "I'm so sorry, let me help you..."_

_"It's nothing..." he said as he bent down on the ground, beside Meredith._

_Meredith picked up the papers and she couldn't help but read on one of them. 'Dr Mark Sloan, Plastic Surgeon' it said. "Oh..."_

_He gave out a laugh. "Yeah well if you wanna have anything done, I'm the guy..." he said and looked at Meredith. "...but I don't think you need anything fixed..."_

_Meredith scoffed. "Haha... Exactly like Derek said you were... Arrogant too I guess..."_

_"Excuse me?"_

_Meredith held forward a hand and Mark shook it. "Dirty old mistress number two..."_

_"Oh... Meredith Grey, pleasure to meet you." he said and smiled. "I've heard a lot about you..."_

_"Nice to meet you and I've heard a lot about you too..."_

_"You have? All the way over here?" Mark showed her to sit down on a bench. "So what have you heard?"_

_"Well practically the whole Derek-finding-you-and-Addison-in-bed-story, and I've heard Derek talk about you..."_

_"So he's talking about me..." _

_"... with disdain and contempt..."_

_"But he's talking about me, right... That's a start?" Mark said giving out a smothered laugh._

_"I guess so..." Meredith looked at the man she had had such a horrible picture of in her head. Truth told he didn't seem that bad. "So what have you heard about me then?"_

_"Well basically the whole Derek-meeting-you-in-a-bar-not-knowing-you-were-an-intern-story, and that he picked Addison instead of you... He made a mistake..."_

_"Are you actually thinking you've a shot here?" Meredith said, to tease._

_"No I don't, but if Derek had chosen you, Addison would have come back here, to me..." he said and sighed. "So, what brings the notorious Meredith Grey to New York?"_

_"Notorious? Seriously? Anyway... I live here in fact." Meredith said and looked down on her ever-growing stomach. He hadn't noticed._

_"Oh..." Mark said, in surprise. "Okay, but aren't you still an intern?"_

_Meredith nodded. "I asked for a transfer to St: Helen's... After you know, he picked Addison and... yeah that's it I guess..." Meredith lied, because it wasn't it. She couldn't tell Mark, whom she had known for three minutes about her pregnancy; the main reason for her moving._

_"I understand..." Mark rose from the bench and smiled at Meredith. "In for a coffee, and discuss our thoughts of the Shepherds?"_

_Meredith nodded. "That'd be great... but I don't drink coffee, not now anyway..." _

_"What?! You don't drink coffee?! I thought coffee was an intern's best friend... I drank lots of coffee when I was an intern..." he said as they started to walk._

_"Usually I do, but... Maybe I'll tell you later..."_

_"Okay..." Mark smiled."_

_"You know you don't seem that bad actually..." Meredith stated, with a grin upon her face._

_"I don't?"_

_"No, not really..."_

_"Good!"_

_"Yeah..."_

That day Meredith told Mark everything, and since then they became friends. He supported her though her pregnancy and he had very good influence on Zadie.

"Mark, do you really think that's a good idea that we go together?"

"Mer, you need a friend, and I'm your friend. We'll go together, and I think at this point Zadie won't listen to you..."

Meredith smiled. "You are a good friend you know..." she paused. "Meet me at JFK in 30 minutes!"

"Yeah, see you there!" he said and hang up.

Meredith ran into the office of the Chief of Surgery. "Hi dr Grey!" Darcie looked strangely at her best neurosurgeon on staff. "What's the hurry?"

"I have to go; can you get someone to cover for me?" Meredith said quickly.

"Yeah, I think I can manage that. Why?"

"Eh, Zadie, she, she flew to Seattle a few hours..."

"Oh..." Darcie knew exactly what that meant. "She's heading for, eh, her dad?"

Meredith nodded.

"Well go then!"

"Thanks Darcie... Bye..." Meredith said and disappeared out the door.

**A/N:** So the fourth has come to its end. What you think? I personally think this chapter is the weakest... Just so you know; as far as I know, I don't think there is a hospital named "St Helen's in New York", so we can clearly say I made it up… Anyhow, the next chapter will be rather long, and Zadie will meet a special person... Who is it? Oh, you'll see... Though unfortunately I've got a lot of stuff to deal with from school, so I will probably not be able to get the fifth chapter up until friday or so... but you know, maybe ther are miracles... who knows?


	5. The Meeting of Dr O

**A/N: **So am doing as I said I would: update! Well here's the 5th chapter, which in my opinion is one of the better... Enjoy!

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Chapter 5 - The Meeting of Dr O**

Zadie looked at the big letters on the building. 'Seattle Grace Hospital'. Meredith had told her a lot about the place, and especially about her friends; Christina Yang, Izzie Stevens, George O'Malley and Alex Karev. How they got tortured by the Nazi, and all the crazy stuff they did. Zadie could tell she missed them, a lot.

"You're sure it's here?" Skye said as they entered the doors to the hospital. "Are you sure he's still working here?"

Zadie nodded. "This hospital is the best in Washington so I think this is the only hospital one of America's best surgeons would work in. And besides, this and her friends are the only things mom talks about from her past. I'm pretty sure it's here."

"Okay, you're probably right... So were do we start looking?" Skye asked, looking around.

"I don't know..." Zadie had no clue of where they should go. She looked at Skye. "Where do you think?"

Skye bit her lip. "He's a surgeon right? And your mom's friends too?"

Zadie nodded. "Aha you mean the..."

"...Surgical Wing." Skye said and started to walk towards the desk.

"Exactly what I thought... I don't know what they look like just so you know, and I don't know my dad's name or what he looks like..."

"Hi, ehm where can we find the Surgical Wing?" Skye asked and the nurse, pointed up the stairs.

"...then just follow the signs..."

"Thank you..." Skye turned to Zadie. "We'll just go up there and look around a bit and see if we recognize someone with your eyes and smile, and Yang must be like Chinese or Korean or something."

"Yeah, probably..." Zadie looked up at the signs in the ceiling as they got up the stairs. "And Izzie's probably a tall blonde or something..."

They gave out a laugh.

"Let's see now the; Surgical Wing..."

"Are you girls looking for the Surgical Wing?" a voice said behind them and both Skye and Zadie spun around in surprise.

"Eh, what?"

"The Surgical Wing... You just said 'let's see now the; Surgical Wing'." the man explained.

"Yeah, right..." To Zadie he looked like pretty much the same age as her mother. All of a sudden it struck her, and she looked at the right side of his chest. Zadie smiled at Skye who immediately got what she meant. "Yes, Dr O'Malley. We're looking for the Surgical Wing."

"I'm Skye," Skye politely said and shook George's hand. "And this is Zadie."

Zadie shook his hand, and smiled. "If you could show us there would be great." she said.

He nodded. "Yes of course, I was just heading back after lunch anyway." they started to walk. "I'm George by the way, O'Malley but that you have probably red on my coat already."

"Yes." both Zadie and Skye said.

"So what are you doing here, visiting someone?"

"You could say that." Zadie answered, full of questions of her own. After all it was George O'Malley they were talking to. From the things she had heard form Meredith about him; he was sweet and he'd probably spill everything she asked him about. "How many surgeons are there on the surgical staff?"

"Ehm, there are many but the ones I most often work with are Chief of Surgeon; Dr Burke, and then there's Dr Yang, Dr Stevens, Dr Shepherd, Dr Montgomery-Shepherd and of course I myself, but of course I don't work with myself you know..." he answered and smiled, continuing to walk.

"So there's no Dr Grey?" Skye asked, smiling at Zadie, who rolled her eyes.

"No, no there isn't..." George looked down. "Why do you ask?"

"No, nothing special really..."

"We used to have a dr Grey, but that was a long time ago. Just over 15 years." George looked strangely at the girls walking on each side of him. "How old are you?"

"Ehm, fifteen..." Zadie answered, seeing a bit of suspicion cross George's face. "So what happened to her?"

Both George and Skye looked at her with their eyebrows narrowed, as Zadie knew what she just said.

_Crap! I said her!_, Zadie thought, and the she looked up at George, smiling. "So anyways, are they married, I mean the interns? No! Crap! I mean the surgeons?" Zadie rambled, making George even more suspicious. "Are they married, some of them?"

George nodded slowly. "Yeah, it's a bit like doctor-cest here." he said and gave out a laugh. "Dr Burke is married to doctor Yang and Dr Shepherd is, yeah obviously married to Dr Montgomery-Shepherd... And I'm married too, well not to a surgeon, but to a nurse."

"Olivia..." Zadie said quietly, obviously not being heard by George as he just kept on walking.

Though Skye heard it.

"You do know more things than I thought," she whispered as she pulled Zadie closer to her by the arm. "You know the name of your mother's ex-best friend's wife, but not your father?"

Zadie just smiled, giving out tiny laughs of, at the time, controlled happiness. "Crap..."

"Hello? Earth to Zade! Hello..."

"Seriously..." Zadie said and there was a beat of silence.

"Seriously what?"

"Seriously... I know who my dad is now... or you know, well I think I know who he his... If he still works here, but I think he does so…" Zadie said and turned to George, ignoring Skye's will to know it all. "So George, I mean if I can call you that?" he nodded. "Well I was just wandering you know since we're here at Washington's best hospital and all; who is Dr Shepherd?"

"Ehm... well he's... eh... our head of neuro. A very good man and surgeon, for that matter." George explained, and then stopped outside the elevator and pushed the button. "What's up with the pop-quiz? Why do you want to know all these things?"

"Eh..." Skye started off trying to be the one to figure that out but had to realize her defeat.

"Well, we plan on going to med school when we're old enough..." Zadie said quickly.

_We do?_ Skye mouthed and Zadie nudged her in the side as George looked at them.

"You do?" he said and smiled.

"Yes we do!" Zadie and Skye said in unison.

"Oh, great." he exclaimed as they entered the elevator. "So what do you want to be?"

"Obstetrician, I think..." Skye said and looked at Zadie who nodded as she used the right term.

"And I want to be a neurosurgeon..." Zadie said, and she didn't lie. Every since she got to know that her mother was one, she also wanted to be one. Zadie admired her mother for making herself a career at the same time as raising her on her own, even though they had their differences about rather many things. But Zadie loved Meredith, highly and she knew she'd get a hell when she'd see her. "So anyway, is dr Shepherd working today?"

"Ehm I think so, and this is his wife." George said as a fairly tall woman with red hair entered the elevator just before the doors closed. "Hi Addison!"

The woman smiled. "Hi O'Malley." Addison looked at the two girls beside him.

"I was just telling future obstetrician Skye..."

"...Thompson..." Skye filled in.

"... and future neurosurgeon Zadie... eh..."

"... Gr ...oan. Groan..." Zadie rambled, not knowing what to say and taking Addison's hand. "Nice to meet you." she said and smiled slightly.

"… about our surgeons…" George continued.

"You too." Addison looked strangely at Zadie. "Okay… So are you in med school?" she asked.

"No, but thanks anyway." Skye said. "We're fifteen."

"Okay... Well then..." Addison said as the doors slid open. "Bye girls, and see you later O'Malley..." she said and exited the elevator.

"So, that was my dad's wife…" Zadie said quietly to herself.

"Now, that's enough!" George exclaimed with his arms crossed over his chest, staring at Zadie and Skye. "I have heard you whispering about stuff that you shouldn't know about! Maybe I have been like blind the last 16 years because as far as I know Derek and Addison Shepherd don't have any kids! And how could you know my wife's name?"

"So that's his name…"

"You did it again!"

"George, I wasn't whispering this time. Look, I am, just by talking to you, doing my mother a huge favour that she's to coward to do for herself." Zadie sighed. "And I'm a pretty good random guesser."

"Ehm…" George looked strangely at Zadie. "I'm not following here really…"

Zadie looked down. She couldn't explain everything, everything that had happen in the past 15 years. Especially not in an elevator. George would probably get a heart attack when hearing Zadie state herself being his lost best friend's 15 year-old daughter. The elevator tinkled and the doors slid open revealing a busy surgical division with people running back and forth. She really couldn't tell him. "I'm just going find my dad, that's all…" she said and smiled as the sadness struck her face. "I'll let my mother deal with you, 'cause I'm pretty sure she's on her way… Bye Georgie!" Zadie dragged Skye out of the elevator leaving a dumbfounded George behind.

----------------------------------------------

After a walk without a real destination, Zadie and Skye sat down on a bed in a hallway not knowing what to do.

"I can't believe you didn't say anything. I mean, you were like this close to." Skye said and held up her fingers making a tiny space between her fingers. "Seriously Zadie. Your dad, who we in fact aren't sure of being your dad, may not be here today. I mean seriously. I think this situation is starting to become pretty morbid."

"The only thing that's morbid is my mom, and she's not even here yet." Zadie said and jumped of the bed. "How could she leave her friends, I mean George seems really nice and I can only assume Izzie, Christina and Alex are too. Who would leave them? My mum wouldn't do so…"

"Maybe your mum isn't the same person she was 15 years ago… I mean a lot can happen in 15 years; just look at us…" Skye smiled.

"Kids are supposed to change; dramatically. Of course we're not the same persons who went searching for Mr Honeybutt, 'cause if we were we would still be 8 year-old girls… without boobs…" Zadie stated and Skye gave out a laugh. "I mean grown-ups shouldn't change. At least not like that."

"And how do you know that? We haven't really tried being adults... The closest we've been to adulthood is drinking tequila at Matt's house, which wasn't that good of an idea by the way, and taking this trip alone to Seattle." Skye said, bringing up the unforgettable night with their five closest friends; Matt, Heath, Kelley, Willis and Radley. "I don't think that a badly uncontrollable hangover even qualifies for first base…"

Zadie gave out a laugh over the chosen words for Skye's sermon, but she was right. "I know…Though Heath was so much worse than me after night…" she said and they broke out in a fit of laughter. "Now I think I should do a real attempt of finding my dad now that I know who he is…"

"Yeah… I'll just go down to the cafeteria or something and maybe talk to some obstetricians now that I all of a sudden am going to be one." she said and gave Zadie a glare. "Call me when you've found him or just want to eat some crappy hospital food…" she said as she walked away. "Until that I've got my iPod to entertain me…"

"Have you ever thought about becoming a reverend?" Zadie shouted just before Skye rounded the corner.

She stopped. "No… Why?"

"_The closest we've been to adulthood is…_" Zadie started to preach, in a try for Skye's voice. "You wouldn't cope with the celibacy…"

"You don't have to be celibate to be a reverend nowadays… Haven't you seen the 7th Heaven re-runs? They've got like 300 kids!" Skye shouted to remind. "Tough you would be the one _not_ coping!" she said and disappeared out of sight.

"Go eat some Jell-O or something!" Zadie shouted after her but the words just bounced against the wall. "So…" she looked around. "… Where are you dad…"

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**A/N:** Hope you liked it, cause I have to admit I did. I had a lot of fun writing this chapter... Trying to make an older version of the George we know, who I think turned out good (?). The dialogs between Zadie and Skye in the end was the most fun writing... and I just had to write that thing about 7th Heaven, no offense though to the ones who like the show... Well, please tell me what you think of it, whether good or bad... Just let me know! Next chapter I'm planning on introduce Izzie and Christina, and for all of you who like Alex; I've got a little speciale twist about him, cause as you all hopefully noticed he wasn't mentioned by George over the suregons he worked with... 


	6. Damaged

**A/N: **Sorry for not updating in a long time but here it is… Just a few things I want to correct… Meredith's 40 **_NOT_** 41…Please give a crap about what I wrote in the first chapter, just do so and it will be great… And I just want to update you on how I made the characters' ages, so here I comes… As I said Meredith: 40, Christina 41, Izzie 42, George 40, Derek 50, Addison 49 and Mark 50… So let the fun begin!

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**Chapter 6 - Damaged**

As Izzie Stevens made her way though the hallway her pager went off. Looking down on it she sighed. It was quite amazing really that she had stayed at Seattle Grace this long time really, because there's always something to do. Though when she was a first year resident that was what she wanted. A lot to do. Thrilling surgeries, not to say bloody trauma cases. A busy, chaotic day in the pit with loads of bloody traumas was like Christmas in hers and her friends' eyes. Now those kinds of things meant a headache. It's funny really how you can go from a not-taken-serious-intern to a respected neo-natal surgeon. That's progress, but isn't that what life is all about? Making progress...

"So George what is it?" she said as she entered the exam room she had been paged to. She looked around in the room and found it empty except for George. "Where's the patient?"

"Ehm, there is no patient..." he said as he sat down on the bed.

"Well I can see that, and as there is not patient, I've got some stuff to do... So if you don't mind..." Izzie said and turned around to go.

"We have kids..." George said, and Izzie stopped.

"Yeah we do..." she said as she entered again and sat down on the other side of the bed. "A lot of people have kids... What is it George? Do you feel guilty for not being home that much?" she asked. As surgeons their time was limited. There was no way to get around the lack of time. Her kids always asked her why mummy couldn't stay home with them. Why they had to go to day care so early sometimes that the sun wasn't even up. Laura and Lily were 5 years old, so they hadn't started to question her yet. Izzie knew it would become worse as they'd get older. "George?"

George looked down. It wasn't what he meant to say, but of course he felt guilty. When Jack was born he was in his seventh and final year of residency, so he wasn't home that much then because he had to work. Though when Jenna was born three years ago, he took time. Not that he could make up for the lost time with Jack. He took time if not for his own and Jenna's sake, but for Olivia's. He and Olivia somehow found the way back each other, or more likely George found his was back to Olivia. Four years ago they had gotten married. A small ceremony with their families and closest friends, though everybody weren't there...

"You said a lot of people have kids..."

The person he was going to bring up they didn't talk a lot about, mainly because they hadn't seen each other in many years and they didn't know her anymore. Every now and then they could spot an article in the monthly Doctor's Magazine about her doing some amazing surgery or whatever. But even if they didn't know her anymore, it didn't mean that they didn't miss her or wondered over how it would have been if she wouldn't have left. They knew practically everything about her work as a top neurosurgeon in New York, but they didn't know anything what so ever about their friend, about her life. They just knew that she was a god damn good surgeon.

"George say what you wanna say!" Izzie said impatiently. "You've been trying to say something for a minute now. Spill it!"

"Do you think Meredith has kids?" he said and the blond looked strangely at him.

"George... Ehm... I... I suppose she could have..." Izzie finally said.

They hadn't actually talked about Meredith in a long time. Though it didn't go one day without her crossing their minds. Izzie and George lived in her house for Christ's sake. Meredith left letters to them before she moved, telling them that the house was theirs. She also wrote that she didn't want them to go after, because they'd just convince her to not move. They all thought it was a rather weak just leaving a letter as an only goodbye, but as she had stated in the end of the letter:

_After all, I'm the damaged one..._

"Why do you wonder?" Izzie asked.

"It's just that I met a girl who reminded me of her." George said as he thought of the girl he had met 20 minutes earlier. "She said a lot of stuff she shouldn't know, and she called me Georgie." he sighed.

Izzie let out a little laugh. "Kids say a lot of stuff and half of it is just random guessing, and small girls may think Georgie is funnier than George. I mean take Laura and Lily; for them you're 'Uncle Georgie!'."

George rolled his eyes. "Izzie, she's fifteen."

"Then it's really not Meredith's daughter." Izzie said and smiled. "Take it easy George. If this girl would be Meredith's daughter, whom I highly doubt, she would have flown across the country alone and Derek would be her father..." she gave out a laugh again.

"She smiled as soon as she read my name on my coat..."

"Everybody smiles at you, because your hair's so funny!" Izzie ran a hand through his hair, but George angrily pulled it away.

"Izzie! She and her friend were looking for the Surgical Wing, she just happened to know that Meredith's a woman-"

"It's a woman's name George..." Izzie reminded and nodded.

"Yes I know, but I only referred to Meredith as 'dr Grey'. She asked me if Derek was working today and most important of all she called Addison the wife of her father..." George exclaimed stood up. "I mean, either she's psyche patient on the run with a veeery wild imagination or she's actually Meredith's daughter!"

"George you do get what you're saying? Right? Cause that means Meredith was pregnant when she left." Izzie looked strangely at George. "Would she really do such a thing, to Derek?"

"He abandoned her, he messed her up and most important of all; he chose Addison." George sighed as they walked out in the hallway. "He pretty much did it to himself."

"George I don't know… I mean… I don't think…" Izzie started as they walked through the hall. "Shouldn't we know if Meredith has a daughter?" Come to think of it she probably didn't even know they had kids. "We haven't talked to her in 15 years, she probably doesn't know about our kids." Izzie felt a tear in the corner of her eye. "George, how could we let this happen? Why didn't we go after her? How could we just let her go?"

"Now you sound like we did 15 years ago… She didn't want us to go after her…"

"But why didn't we go to New York, afterwards?"

"Though that; I don't know…" George said as the walked up to the nurses' station.

"Well, anyhow we have to talk to Christina..." Izzie looked around. "Wonder where she is?"

"I'm here! Here!" a voice said, and Christina plopped up from underneath the desk. "What do you wanna talk about?"

Izzie and George looked at each other and then dragged Christina with them into an empty storage closet.

"Okay, so what are we doing?" she asked and looked oddly at her friends, as Izzie found the light switch.

"Have you seen two like fifteen year old girls around here somewhere?" George asked.

"No... Though, I have seen one... Like my height, deep blue eyes, mousy blonde kind of a hair, with a "Down Under" t-shirt, really cool..." Christina said giving a perfect description of the girl she had seen 5 minutes earlier. "Why do you ask?"

"Christina, what do you get of that; your height, deep blue eyes and mousy blond hair?" Izzie said as she sat down on a carbon box.

"Ehm, a perfectly normal teenaged girl..."

Both Izzie and George sighed. "You were in the top of your class right?"

"I _was _the top..." she shook her head. "What does my grade have to do with that girl?"

"What does her looks tell you?" Izzie continued.

"Ehm... That the boys probably like her..." Christina sighed. "I don't know. Seriously, I've got other things to do than discussing some girl's hair and eyes, height, and her status with the boys!"

"She's not just some girl..." George exclaimed as she grabbed the door knob.

"Take it easy George." Izzie hushed him. "We're not sure yet..."

"Sure what? She's probably just a visitor or something... I heard her ask for Shepherd 5 minutes ago so..." she looked strangely at her friends who swore. "What!?"

"Christina! Don't you get it!?" George asked raising his hands in the air.

"No, not really..."

"That's Meredith's daughter!"

Christina looked questionly at her friends, and she scoffed. "Hhmeesnm... You're kidding right? Meredith, daughter... When would she have time for a daughter, she's a top neurosurgeon, remember?"

"You have time, you have kids." Izzie reminded.

"It's not I'm a top surgeon as big as her, I'm just married to one..." Christina said and sighed. She and Burke, married two years after Meredith had left. Christina sent her an invitation, but she didn't answer it.

Since then Christina hadn't been very keen on trying to remember her best friend. She left, Meredith left her best friend. She didn't know anything about them anymore.

Even so, Christina really missed her, though she didn't want to admit it. She really missed her during her last year of residency, when she found out she was pregnant.

The age of 9 made Taylor the oldest of the Burke-Yang kids. Then followed Hunter 7 and Megan 5.

If Christina looked back on the day she entered Seattle Grace Hospital, never would she have thought she'd get married to the best cardiothoracic surgeon in the whole country, have three kids with him, and certainly not be left by her best friend.

Never would she have thought that that would hurt her so much, but it did. "Well Meredith's probably like her mother now, without time for kids..." Christina mumbled.

"What are you saying?" George said with a slight horror in his voice. "Christina..."

"Oh, since when are we being nice to Meredith...? It's not like she's here is it? She left remember?" Christina said with a bit of anger cross her face. "Frankly I don't care if she has kids or if she's married, but I seriously doubt that she do as she can not have no feelings in her body 'cause she left us!" she almost shouted, and the little closet framed her voice, making it sound even deeper than it already was. "I seriously doubt that she's Meredith's daughter, because the Meredith back then would have told us if she was pregnant..."

"You're right..." Izzie said and then looked at George. "Meredith would have told us, that girl can't be her daughter."

"Izzie!" he exclaimed, hearing his friend, that three seconds ago was positive to the thought of Zadie being Meredith's daughter, actually doubting. "Izzie! She... she has to... I mean, look at her!"

"No George... This is just another of your pathetic tries for making Meredith not seem like one of the biggest jackasses on earth..." he looked down as those words left Christina's lips. "Unfortunately for us our two best friends were jackasses. Alex left and Meredith left. They didn't move on the same day but maybe if they had it had made it easier for us!"

"Do you know what you're saying!? Then Laura and Lily wouldn't exist..." George couldn't believe what she was saying.

"Maybe they would, they'd just have a better father who wouldn't have left them and it would have saved Izzie a hell of a lot more tears..."

Both George and Christina could see Izzie wasn't taking their discussion so good. Even after three years and some understanding between her and Alex, her wounds weren't wholly healed.

"We're sorry!" both George and Christina exclaimed and looked at Izzie who stood up from the carbon box.

"I didn't mean that Lily and Laura... I'm sorry..." Christina started.

"I know..." Izzie smiled. "You've become mushy..."

Christina gave her a glare.

"Ok, you haven't..." Izzie gave her a hug, and Christina actually didn't express pain or discomfort. "Look, we do great without Meredith... She left, but we do great..."

Christina nodded. "Yeah... Right George?"

"… yeah…" he said looking down. Truth told he didn't do great without Meredith…

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**A/N: **So what did you think? Good? Bad? Please don't kill me for doing such a thing with Alex, but maybe there will be a happy end… Well anyway please review! 


	7. Everybody's Changing

**A/N: **So in this chapter Meredith and Mark arrives at the hospital... Hope you have a great reading time... Thanks for the reviews by the way... The long ones are really giving me thing to work with! Hugs to you all!

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**Chapter 7 – Everybody's Changing**

As the rain started to fall down on the city of Seattle, Meredith Grey stepped out of the cab in front of a building with letters on it reading "Seattle Grace Hospital". She took a deep breath as she started her way towards the doors. Meredith didn't know what to expect when she'd enter, if she'd enter at all.

"Are you nervous?" Mark said and Meredith blinked. She was so caught up by the feeling of being back on familiar ground that she had started to forget his presence.

"Eh…"

"…because it looks like you're about to throw up any second…" he said laughing.

"I'm not nervous, I'm fine, really. It's just jetlag or whatever it's called…" she rambled as they were almost by the doors. "And I had a crappy breakfast so…"

"You don't get jetlag after a flight across the country…" Mark laughed, but stopped as Meredith gave him a glare. "… but I guess you're different…"

Meredith stopped right in front of the doors and she could feel the warm hospital air make its way out as the doors opened and closed. She could also see the inside much better, and to her surprise nothing looked like it had changed.

Honestly she felt kind of relieved it hadn't, but seriously she knew everything inside wouldn't be the same.

"Are you coming or what!?" Mark shouted halfway through the doors as Meredith was still outside. "It's raining like hell Mer! Come on!"

"No, no I'll stay out here for a while… just wasting some time I guess…" she said and smiled nervously, wiggling back and fourth. "I'm fine really… I'm from here, remember! We like rain!"

"You're acting like a teenaged girl, and your hair will curl up by the water, which reminds me… Your teenaged daughter is inside trying to find her slightly curly haired father. So if you don't get your arrogant surgeon's ass over here she'll find him before we find her!" Mark explained under his breath. "Come on Mer!"

"I'm not the arrogant one!" Meredith shouted and sighed. "I'm coming, though I just have to know…" she paused. "Have I changed?"

"Changed?" Mark looked oddly at her. "Ehm… I don't know really. I mean; I didn't know you when you lived back here, though I can't say you have since I met you in New York… No grey hair, no visible wrinkles, no sacky breast…"

Meredith gave out a smothered laugh. "I'm not 50 yet Mark…"

"Oh, and what is that supposed to mean?!" he scoffed. "That I am? That I have grey hair, visible wrinkles and… sacky breasts…" Mark made a face.

"Shut up Mark… You do not have visible wrinkles and definitely no sacky breasts…" Meredith smiled. "But you are 50, and you do have grey hair… but grey hair is kinda sexy…"

"So you think I'm hot?"

"I never said that!"

"Whatever you say… So are you coming?"

Meredith nodded. "But what I meant with changing was as a person; have I changed?"

Mark scratched his head. "As I said, I didn't know you back here, but I think the whole mother thing changes everyone... Besides that I think you're pretty much the same as you were when I met you… Still a bit messy and weird…"

"I like you too…" Meredith said and nodded as she walked up to him. "Thanks…"

"You're welcome…" he said as he wiped away a few raindrops from her cheek.

"So let's find Zadie now…" Meredith said, but as she was just about to walk inside Mark grabbed her arm. "What?"

"You don't think you can just sneak in and get Zadie without being seen right?" he said and looked seriously at her, as she looked down. "Mer?"

"On the plane I thought I'd just rush in, get Zadie, and leave all this behind me, but I know that wouldn't be fair to anyone, especially not to Zadie…" Meredith paused, taking a deep breath. "I always knew that a day like this would come along and the truth or secret would or whatever one can call it would come out… I guess this morning when I woke up, I didn't thought that this day would be that day…"

Mark smiled. "I know you didn't…" he said and put his arm around her shoulders as the started to walk inside. "So how do you think your friends will react?"

"For starters: I don't know if they still consider me as their friend or just the bitch who left them…" Meredith exclaimed, almost with a bit of irony in her voice. "Really I have no idea what they're like now… All I know is that they have changed. It's like that song…"

"What song?" Mark looked at her as she stared up at the ceiling, thinking. "Meredith?"

"… everybody's changing and I don't feel the same…" she sang. "That old Keane song… Remember?"

"No… but remind yourself to never sing again…" he said rubbing his forehead. "You're not Celine Dion, just so you know…"

"I never said I was!" Meredith sighed. "You're a jackass you know that?"

"So you keep telling me…" he smiled as they walked up the stairs.

"… like you can sing any better…" Meredith murmured, and looked up at the signs hanging from the ceiling. "Not even the signs in the ceiling have changed…"

"Maybe that's because the Surgical Wing hasn't moved…"

Meredith glared at him. "Did I tell you you're a jackass?"

"Still weird and messy…" Mark chuckled and nodded.

"Oh shut up…"

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**A/N: **So... Good? Bad? I made it a funny but yet a serious one I think. Next chapter we'll meet Derek, maybe we'll find out how he's been the last 15 years... Though I'm keeping you in suspense, cause I don't I'll make Zadie meet him just yet, but maybe Mer will... Well see you guys, and please review!  



	8. 007

**A/N:** So I'm back with the 8th chapter. Sorry for not have updated in a while but I've been kind of busy. But here it is... Thanks for the reviews by the way...

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Chapter 8 – 007**

"Hi dr Shepherd!" Addison greeted as Derek he walked out of the OR after suspected successful surgery as he was smiling.

"Hello dr Shepherd." he responded and received a kiss on the cheek as usual. As usual they called each other by their last name, as usual being professional. That's what their job was all about, professionalism.

"Good surgery?" she smiled as she joined him on his way over to the nurses' station.

"Yes, very good in fact…" Derek smiled and then asked for the chart of his patient. "It seemed hopeless in the beginning, but I fixed it up…"

"My great husband…" Addison gave him another kiss. "Wanna join me for a late lunch?"

"Mhm, if you could make it a very late one… I've got some stuff to take care of…"

"Page me when you have time, alright?"

"Yes, okay…" Derek mumbled, having his eyes fixed on the chart in front of him.

"Dr Shepherd?" a nurse said from behind the desk.

"Yes?" both Derek and Addison exclaimed.

"Ehm, just dr Shepherd." The nurse accentuated, meaning the fact that Addison actually had two names and she looked at Derek. "There was a girl asking for you when you were in surgery."

"Okay…" he said and looked oddly at Addison and then back at the nurse. "What did she want?"

"She didn't say, but she did say she'd be back later…"

"Okay, thanks…"

"Do you know what?" Addison started. "Maybe that was Zadie…"

"Zadie?"

"Oh, ehm… This girl a met in the elevator. She said she wanted to be a neurosurgeon… Cute girl. Maybe she had some questions for you…"

"Huh? Questions?" his face cracked up in yet another smiled. "I love questions… So how do I find her?"

"Well, she came up here with George. Maybe he knows where she is… Ask him…" Addison said and walked off. "Page me later!"

"Okay…" Derek said and then returned the chart to the nurse. "Thanks…"

He and Addison had worked out pretty well, or as well to be expected. After all they had been through; they were finally on the right track, even after this long period of time.

They were on the very edge of not making it. Derek had been on the very edge of not choosing his wife. He had almost chosen someone else.

Meredith, he hadn't seen in fifteen years. She left without a single word the day after he chose Addison. Without a word…

He couldn't really blame her for doing so. She put herself out there, showing him every feeling, deeply hidden within her, and he just blew her off.

Derek sighed as he started to walk in the direction of the sounding of George O'Malley.

There were times when he doubted his decision of choosing who he did, when he wondered what his life would have been like if he had chosen Meredith, or at least what it would have been like if she had stayed.

He had actually gone after her, without anyone knowing. He had said he had to attend a meeting in Boston. He had gone to New York, to St Helen's.

When he had asked for her, the nurse at the desk had looked strangely at him and then she had smiled, telling him that she was in surgery.

When Derek later had walked through the lobby to go back home, he had heard a familiar laugh when he was just about to exit the doors.

He had turned around and then he had seen Meredith walk towards the elevators with a big smile upon her face. He had wanted to walk up to her or more likely run. But something had stopped him

Meredith had smiled. It had been two days after her move and she had already a smile upon her face. And she hadn't been in surgery. Two minutes ago he had been told that she was…

Then it had become clear and he had exited the doors, taking a last look at the woman he had fallen in love with.

She didn't want to be found…

"George!" Derek called out, as the fairly short man was about to walk away. "O'Malley!"

George turned around and when he saw that Derek was the one shouting, he walked towards him with heavy kind of steps, dragging his feet after himself. "Yeah…"

"Hi ehm… What's up with you?" Derek said looking oddly at his fellow surgeon.

"Oh nothing…" he plainly answered.

"Well, ehm… I heard that there was a girl asking for me during surgery… Eh… Za…"

"…Zadie." George filled in and shook hi head, hearing the old news.

"Yeah, exactly. Zadie…" Derek nodded and smiled. "Cute name…"

"Yes, it is indeed…"

"Well anyway… Addison told me she might have some questions for me and that she came up here with you so I figured…"

"… That I knew where she is…" George shook his head. "No, I don't but I'll tell you if I see her around." he said smiling.

"Great, thanks George." Derek said and rushed away, leaving George feeling even more certain then before.

"Dude you've got not clue…" he said to the far distanced back of Derek Shepherd.

"Who has no clue?" someone said and Izzie plopped up beside him. "And are we still saying 'dude', at the age of 42?" she said smiling.

"Last time I checked my driver's license: 40 not 42. And you're still McLabeling everyone and everything."

Izzie gave out a laugh. "Yeah, about that… Have you seen McCutie in up in peeds? I delivered him last night, he's so cute…"

"No, I haven't got time for sneaking up there like I used to…" George said and sighed. "Besides I've got Jenna. Olivia and I are trying to teach Jenna not to say the words that her brother tells her too…"

"Oh, yeah… I heard her last night…"

"Mhm… Mrs. Greene in daycare will be so pleased…"

"They're growing up fast, aren't they?" Izzie rolled her eyes in a dreamy kind of way.

"Yes, they are. Some of them very fast… Some of them are fifteen…" he said and looked at Izzie who rolled her eyes again, though not in a dreamy way.

"George…"

"No Izzie… Don't 'George' me… I swear she's Meredith's daughter!"

"George…" she repeated and shook her head. "I…"

"You wanna bet?" he said crossing his arms over his chest.

"Huh? What?" Izzie looked strangely at him.

"I said: do you wanna-"

"No, I heard what you said George. I just… No! I won't bet, I've given up betting."

"What? Why?"

"For the first: you loose money and the second: it's not fair betting on people…"

"Since when do you care about that? Our first day here, when I got chosen by Burke, you took Christina's bet that I wouldn't even idea the appendix." George said and gave out a laugh. "It was an easy surgery…"

"And how did you do?" George looked down as Izzie smiled. "Burke called you pansy ass idiot, and you got a new name…"

"Don't say it…" George threatened and pointed his finger at her. "Don't…"

"… 007…" Izzie laughed.

"Uh, that hurt…" someone said behind them and they turned around.

Izzie looked strangely at the person before her. "Alex?"

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**A/N:** Alex... Huh? Didn't say something about happy ending yada yada yada... Well hope you enjoyed. Next chapter derek'll meet someone, maybe in the grey clan... 


	9. The Best of Doctors Used to Be Suck Ups

**A/N: **Hi everybody again, sorry for not updating in a while but I've suffered a major writing block... Well I said I'd let Derek meet someone in the Grey clan but I'll have to let you guys down... Sorry... But I promise you next chapter he will! So here's the 9th chapter hope you like it! Review!

**

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Chapter 9 – The Best of Doctors Used to Be Suck Ups **

"Alex?" Izzie exclaimed again, this time more frustrated. "What are you doing here, Alex?"

"Oh, I just thought I'd pick up Laury and Lils and go to Disney World or something…" he said and smiled mischievously and waited for her to react.

"What!?" Izzie almost shouted. "You can't do that! It's not your weekend. It's not even weekend!" she said under her breath. "Where are your brains? Mexico?"

Alex rolled his eyes and smirked at her. "I was just kidding… I'm here for a consult: a kid who got bitten by a dog. Pretty nasty…"

"Oh, yeah… I saw that… Nasty indeed." George said, but Izzie smacked him on his shoulder.

"Seriously!?"

George looked at her. "…Would Burke really do like this to you?" he said in a small voice.

"I'm one of the best, so Burke called me." Izzie scoffed at his very confident words. "It's the truth. Though I know Burke called Mark Sloan first, but his assistant said he had some family emergency to take care of. Imagine him, here together with Shepherd… Fist flying, I tell you…" he gave out a laugh.

"Yeah…" Izzie looked down. She couldn't help but to miss him. Every time she looked at, especially Laura she saw him. They were very much alike, though Lily was more of him as a person. Very honest, confident and a bit proud. Izzie was still a bit angry at him for moving, but she couldn't help to think that Los Angeles was better than New York for example, because it was. He wasn't a bad father, at all. The opposite of so. Even if he lived in LA he managed to stay a father. He called almost every day, and every second weekend he flew down and got them to spend the weekend in LA. Even if she was still a bit angry, they were doing better and better by the day. Before Alex moved, their relationship had been rather rocky and it was going down hill. Somewhere Izzie had thought that Laura and Lily would hold them together. It lasted two years, then it broke. Live is full of surprises they say, right? "Well, drop by later and see Laura and Lily. They'd be very happy…" Izzie smiled slightly. "See you around…" she said and turned around, followed by George.

"Izz…" Alex called out quietly.

"See you later, Alex…"

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Zadie stood in the stairs in front of the OR board and viewed it. She probably wasn't allowed there but no one seemed to care. Everybody was running around like crazy. To her the board didn't look that crowed, but maybe that was the problem. A lot of times when she were at St Helen's the surgical staff was way more restless a day with a quiet board than a day with a crowded one. To Zadie it never made any sense, to run around like crazy when there weren't any surgeries. She guessed people working in hospitals were one of a kind.

"And what do we think we're doing here!" a small but yet hard and harsh voice suddenly said behind her.

Zadie turned around so quickly that she lost her balance and fell, tumbling down the stairs. "A crap!" she exclaimed and rubbed her head after hitting the floor beneath.

"Oh I'm sorry…" the woman said, who mainly was the reason for the tumble. "Great… and you're bleeding…" she stated as she bent down beside Zadie.

"Awh, crap, crap, crap…" she said still rubbing her head and she looked up at the woman dressed in dark blue scrubs and a regular white coat. "I wasn't doing anything…"

"No, you were studying our board and now you're down on the floor, bleeding… I don't think that qualifies for not doing anything…"

"Quiet, I was studying you quiet board." Zadie said and rose from the floor, immediately feeling a bit dizzy. "Wow..."

"Oh take it easy…" the woman said and led Zadie to a chair near by. "I think we should take a look at the wound, and then get someone to check that your head's alright."

"No, no, no… I'm fine, seriously…" Zadie stood up. "Just tell me where I can find dr McDreamy… Wow…" she said and at down realizing what she just said. "I do feel dizzy…"

"Excuse me!?" the woman exclaimed and Zadie looked up at her and her eyes immediately flew to the right side of her chest. "What did you say!?"

"Nothing!" Zadie said and looked down, feeling the pain ache in her head. As she looked up again dr Miranda Bailey stared at her. "Seriously! It's nothing…"

"Oh, I wasn't asking how you are…" she snapped in a pissed kind of tone. "I'll go get a neuro consult…" Bailey looked strangely at her newfound patient with a feeling of having seen her before. "Well, just stay her and wait for me to come back… What's your name?"

"It's Zadie, but I'm fine… You don't have to get a consult… I'm fine…" Zadie stood up again. "Seriously…"

Bailey blinked. "There it is…"

"What?"

"I mean, you seem so familiar… Especially when you say that… Have we met before?"

"No… We haven't." Zadie shook her head.

"Well, okay… I thought maybe you were one of William's friends…" Bailey said as she started to walk.

"William?" Zadie called after her. "Who's William?"

"Oh, William… My son…" Bailey said and smiled.

"You don't know you're son's friends?" Zadie asked and looked at her in a kind of disbelief. Her mother knew every one of her friends, though Zadie did just spend time with a close group of six. "Or better yet, don't you recognize his friends?"

"Hssmnnh…" Bailey glared at her. "Oh, someone's got a cheeky sharp mouth…" Zadie gave out a laugh. "Now sound like a bunch of interns I have some years ago… Five suck ups and know it alls, but smart ones. Smart know-it-alls are the worst kind, but I think the worst kind make the best of doctors… Well I'll go get that neuro consult…" she said and walked off leaving Zadie behind.

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**A/N: **So did you like? Hope so... Well I found it hard to make Bailey right but I think I did as good as I could, hope she's not to disappointing... I don't know when I'll be able to get the 10th chapter up but I think I've written like a A4 page so maybe It'll be up before the week ends, maybe... 


	10. Bad Liar

**A/N: **I know I didn't get the 10th chapter up by the end of the weekend so apologize to you all... But well here it is... Enjoy and review!

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Chapter 10 – Bad Liar**

"Dr Shepherd!?" Miranda Bailey called out to the back of a man, leaning against the desk at the nurses' station.

He turned around, still leaning. "Miranda!" he smiled.

"Bailey shook her head at his manner of always being so happy when seeing her. Through truth told, she didn't think that badly of him either. She just didn't let him or anyone know it.

"What can I do for you?" Derek asked as he straightened himself up.

"I need a consult for a patient…" Bailey said as she turned on her heal and Derek quickly followed her. "Ehm, she fell down the stairs and hit her head."

"Okay then…" he looked at her. "Did she hit hard?"

"I wasn't that many stairs, but it was a pretty hard fall." Bailey looked down and rubbed her forehead. "She stood 7-8 stairs up, tops. I came behind her and I think I surprised her so she tumbled down…"

"Miranda…" Derek gave out a laugh, shaking his head.

"What? She was standing there, looking at our OR board." she raised her hand to the air. "I was just going to get her away from there. She's a cheeky one, I tell you…"

"Well, do you know what Miranda? People sue for nothing these day, and I think you're the one making everybody else cheeky, but you… In your head…" he said to tease her with a smile.

Bailey's nostrils rose "Haha, that was-" she got cut of by the pager on her hip. "I have to take this…" Bailey pointed at a girl sitting in a chair further down the hall. "That's her.."

"Okay…" Derek said and started to walk, but Bailey grabbed his arm. "What?"

"Do you know what the strangest part is with her?"

"Is there any strange parts with that girl?"

She gave him a glare. "She asked me where she could fin McDreamy…"

Derek looked at the girl in the chair and then at Bailey. "What?"

"…but what do I know…" Bailey said and scoffed as she walked away.

* * *

As Zadie looked to her right a man walked towards he dressed in the same the same kind of blue scrubs Miranda Bailey had. He smiled at her and as he did that a great feeling of joy mixed with wellbeing rushed through her head. Maybe that was, maybe that was he. She couldn't help to watch every man passing before her. Whether a man was short and bald with a beer belly or if he was tall with a slim figure and hip glasses. After all Zadie didn't know what her mother's taste in men was like, besides he could have changed a lot in 15 years.

"You're the neuro consult dr Bailey was going to get?" Zadie said as the man stopped in front of her.

"Yeah, I am." he said, continuing to smile. "So you're the girl whom she scared down the stairs?"

Zadie nodded carefully to not make her feel like a vibrating jelly pudding. "I guess."

"So you smashed you head against the floor…" he said and held a finger in front of Zadie's eyes to follow and she did. "Good. Experiencing dizziness or visual disturbances? So where are your parents?"

"No dizziness or visual disturbances…" Zadie scoffed. "Ehm, I'm from New York. I'm kinda not here really or you know obviously I am but without permission…" she said and shrugged her shoulders.

"New York you say… Me too…" he said and smiled as he showed Zadie into an empty exam room. "I think we should do something about that wound… So why are you here?"

"Ehm…" she hesitated. She couldn't tell him her purpose of stealing her mother's credit cards, flying across the country and ending up with presumable concussion. For all she knew he could actually be her father, but he wouldn't know that. "Well, I have a very secretive mother. That's the why."

He gave her a little look and then he slightly smiled. "Okay… Well you don't seem to need any sutures; you'll just be a bit bruised for a while. It's probab-"

"Probably just a minor concussion right?" Zadie said and smiled. "And you're actually then one checking if I need sutures. Don't you guys have nurses or maybe interns the do the dirty work around here?"

"Huh?" the man whom had yet not introduced himself gave out a laugh. "What?"

"I don't mean that the nurses and interns should be the only ones doing the shit load. My mom's a surgeon and the surgeons at her hospital don't lift a finger. Especially when it's like a posh private something whatever." Zadie paused as the doctor put on a little band-aid over the more similar to a scratch then a big gashing wound. "The bottom line is that, in general surgeons are arrogant know it alls with god complex the size of an elephants ass…" the man sitting on a chair in front of her pursed his mouth and crossed his arms over his chest. "No offence, seriously… You seem like a really nice doctor, you know checking if I need sutures and all… Really great…" Zadie nodded to convince.

"You seem to be a very opinionated young lady… Are your parents coming here?"

"Ehm, my mom which should be any moment now…" Zadie nodded. "And I ramble when I'm tired and nervous…"

"You're nervous?" he said and looked strangely at her.

"Yes, there of the rambling…" Zadie said and nodded. "When my mom gets her I'll be grounded for let see; the rest of my life… Might as well just go straight to hell… I mean I've never been grounded, though that doesn't mean I haven't done stupid stuff you know… My mom's really busy, but she tries to act like a normal mom, telling her herself and me that she won't end up like her mother: a real neglecter. When I was younger she used to take two days off each week, though that does not happen to often nowadays but it's okay… I'm getting older and I think people see me as very independent… Which I am…"

The man just nodded and smiled. "So what bad stuff have you done? It can't be that bad?"

Zadie hesitated. "I can't tell you that… I've known you for like five minutes… Seriously, I can't…"

"Oh so it's that bad, hah?" he smirked.

"No..." she gave him a glare. "I haven't done anything that bad… Nothing my mom wouldn't have done at the age of fifteen, anyway… She told me what she had done, and said that I couldn't do anything, absolutely nothing worst than what she did…" the man looked strangely at her. "Weird philosophy, I know…"

"To say the least, but are you sure your mother isn't lying? She may lie about not doing stuff that's worse."

"So you're calling my mom a liar?" Zadie said and crossed her arms over her chest.

He scoffed. "No, that wasn't what I meant…"

"I was kidding. She's not lying. She's a sad liar and that; I'm not kidding about… She seriously can't lie…" she said and smiled. "Though she tries once in a while, but she's really see-through. She does these little things that immediately points out if she's lying or not…"

"Oh, well that must be handy sometimes…" he chuckled.

"Yeah it is, though on Christmas; the surprises are few. But uncle Mark who's not my uncle in theory: he's a good liar or you know I'd better call him a _great _miss-leader.

"Good someone is then, but he's not you uncle?"

"Well, he's just a very good friend to both me and my mom… He's helped her a lot through the years…" Zadie answered. "This must be very boring for you to listen to me talking about you know, may family issues and problems..."

"No, no it's not really… I don't have any kids, just a lot of nieces and nephews. But them I don't see that often as they live in New York." he explained and looked down.

"Oh okay… Well nieces and nephew are always something right? I don't have any siblings or cousins so they're surely very lucky to have each other…"

"Yeah, I'm sure they are… But what about your father? Doesn't he feel a bit threatened by that Mark…?"

"Ehm I think he probably would 'cause Mark's good looking, no doubt about that… But ehm, I don't know him. I haven't met him…"

"Oh, okay…" he nodded, probably not knowing what to say, as he looked down. "Well I think we're all set."

Zadie jumped of the bed and walked out of the exam room followed by the doctor.

"Ehm, I'm just going to check another patient, but I'll be back in just a little while. Just wait here…" he explained and turned on his heal, but he suddenly stopped. "I feel like I've met you before… Have I, met you?"

"No, I don't think so…" Zadie smiled. A lot of people at Seattle Grace seemed to recognize her. Not that odd, 'cause her looks where very close to her mother, inevitable really. "Maybe I look like someone you know…" she hoped him to say yes.

"Maybe…" he smiled and then looked closely at Zadie. "It was just a thing dr Bailey said, that is got me wondering. You-" he sighed as the pager went off. He looked up at Zadie. "I'll be back…"

Zadie looked at the back of the man as he disappeared behind the corner. She sighed, thinking she'd never find her father especially not if she wouldn't ask for names. She felt very comfortable that her father was indeed named Derek Shepherd. She just had to find him.

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**A/N: **So what did you think? I personally think this chapter is a bit messy, but I think the dialoges between Zadie and hmm, cam out pretty good... who is it though? No that hard right? Well I'll see when I'll be able with getting the 11th chapter up, you know with christmas and all coming up. But if I'm effective maybe by friday or saturday... So bye guys, review please! 


	11. Imagine That

**A/N: **hi again! Hope you all had a great christmas... So here's chapter 11 hop you'll like it... and for the ones who wondered why Derek didn't introduced himself to Zadie and/or wgy she couldn't read his name on his coat, I have two simple answers. He forgeot to tell her and he didn't wore his coat... Hope you like it again, and review!

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Chapter 11 – Imagine That**

"Hi ladies…" Derek greeted a group of nurses by the nurses' station as he walked out of the exam room he had been paged to. A patient had started a seizure, but it stopped a few minutes after he had entered.

The nurses just nodded and smiled as he past them.

"Miss McCullen's chart thanks…" he said and the nurse behind the desk handed him the big file.

As his eyes went over the pages, he couldn't help but to listen to the said group of nurses talking. They were talking or more accurately; gossiping.

"Have you heard about dr Simpson? He's getting sacked." A nurse said and raised her eyebrows.

"Why?"

"Apparently he has been stealing stuff, heavier stuff if you know what I mean…"

"Oh…"

"Well, do you know who I saw dr Stevens talk to earlier?" a nurse with blonde shoulder length hair said and everybody shook their heads. "Alex Karev…"

"He's back?"

"Yeah, and he's not the only one who's back." the same nurse said again. "Guess who I saw enter the doors a little while ago…? Meredith Grey…"

"No, are you sure?"

"Yeah, it wasn't just her… The famous dr Mark Sloan was by her side…"

But when those words let the nurse's lips, Derek was already gone.

He ran.

Usually Derek didn't believe or care about what the nurses said, but this time he actually did.

He ran.

_I'm running, _Derek thought. _I'm running after a woman I haven't seen in 15 years; more than a decade… But still, I'm running._

When Derek got out on the bridge he suddenly stopped, dead in his tracks. He froze. He wasn't prepared to what he 10 seconds earlier almost longed for to see. In front of him she stood. Looking like she always had, like he remembered. Not a single year seemed to have struck her face. The honey blonde hair was as glowing as ever, just maybe a few new lines had appeared in the corner of her eyes but it didn't seem to matter. She was still beautiful, beautiful as he remembered her.

As Derek remembered Meredith

"Hi Zadie…" someone said and she turned around to the face of dr Bailey.

"Hi…" she greeted back and rubbed her head.

"Still hurts?" Bailey said and grabbed her light pen form her coat pocket. "Didn't dr Shepherd come?"

"Dr Shepherd?" Zadie pulled away Bailey's hand. "That was dr Shepherd? As in Derek Shepherd?"

"To a few others known as McDreamy…" Bailey said and crossed her arms across her chest. "Care to tell me what's going on here..."

"Crap… No, eh not really…" Zadie

"Did that sound like a question to you?" Bailey's nostrils rose as she glared at Zadie.

Ehm, okay… I suppose not. There's no easy way of saying this…" Zadie said, but actually there was an easy way. She could just blurt out: I'm Meredith Grey's daughter. But that wouldn't work, would it? She couldn't do it, could she? "I'm Meredith's daughter…" she mentally smacked herself in her side.

Bailey looked dumbfounded at the teenaged girl in front of her. Teenaged, girl… "You can't be… I mean, you're too… What did you say?"

"Bet mom never made you this confused…" Zadie smiled slightly over having it done telling Bailey, but she looked the same at her. "Meredith Grey: seemingly one of the know it all and suck up –interns… my mom…"

Bailey scoffed. "You're Meredith's daughter…? Sure…"

"Not to be rude or anything but ehm, I think I know who my mom is."

"You can't be her daughter; Meredith Grey does not have a daughter. Besides, you're too old…" Bailey stated, literally looking up at Zadie.

"How would you know if she has a daughter or not? She moved to New York a bit over 15 years ago…" Bailey looked in surprise at her." I know stuff…"

"Are you sure we're talking about the same Meredith?"

"Yeah… or you know, I think so… I'm almost sure. I mean I'm sure… Of course! I know who my mom is." Zadie rambled. "Meredith Grey; neurosurgeon in New York, had the hots or should I say have the hots for some McDreamy doctor: my dad whom you said was dr Shepherd… There can't be that many Meredith Grey with that kind of agenda…"

"We are talk-" Bailey stopped and her facial expression changed over the blink of an eye. "Oh he didn't… Oh…Oh…Oh… That man is so dead… When I get my hands on him he's gonna wish he never sat his foot here…" she mumbled. "McDreamy my ass!"

"Zadie looked oddly at the short woman in front of her. "No dr Bailey. I'm not going to let my dad get beaten to death by a 2'1 tall woman in blue scr…ubs…" Bailey glared at her. "Okay, sorry… That was inappropriate, but still: no killing… Besides what does it matter if she got pregnant with him? I know she was an intern an all, but she made it through. No big deal, right?"

"I'll pretend I didn't hear that." Bailey said and looked oddly at Zadie. "Haven't Meredith told you? Your dad, if he now is in fact your dad and I don't doubt he is because you do look like him, was an attending…"

"She slept with her boss, so what? Not the first one to do that… What a slut…" Zadie nodded and smiled ironically

"For the first: did you just call your mother a sluth?"

Zadie rolled her eyes. "I didn't mean it like that, not like you think I meant anyways…"

"Whatever…" Bailey said as she gave her a glare. "Second: he was married…"

Zadie looked at her in great disbelieve. "Right… My mother: the dirty mistress... Sure…"

Bailey's eyes move, she just stared at her.

"Crap… Seriously?"

"Not entirely…" Bailey looked down, to think but quickly looked up again to Zadie's asking eyes. They were surely alike Derek's. "I'm sure I should tell you…"

"Oh come on!" Zadie begged. "She has told me nothing! In fifteen not a single, freaking word has she told me. Imagine that dr Bailey… Imagine that! I didn't know my dad's name or what he looked like until today, when I on my own flew across the country. I think it's the least deserve… It's not like she'll be able to pin you down when she gets here… She's still as thin as she was back then I can imagine…"

Bailey sighed and gave in. "He didn't tell her for two months that he was… married."

Zadie stared blankly at her. "What?" she said quietly. Had her father really done that? The father she had painted such a great picture of in her head wouldn't do something like that. All this time, Zadie had considered her mother to be the bad guy, not the never-met-father. It just didn't made sense. "He lied to her?"

"Your mom fell in love with him… I know they made plans. I over-heard them once. But then…" Bailey sighed again. "Then, it all went down hill… I really think you should talk to Meredith about all this. It's not my business really…"

"Okay, okay… I think I can accept that…" Zadie nodded. "So Meredith's not that black sheep here, is she?"

"No not really…" Bailey said and by that the mood turned on both of them. "How is she by the way?"

Zadie looked down. "Ehm, right now I'd say pissed… You know with me flying here and everything… But over all I think she's fine. A bit stressed out as all surgeons I guess…"

"Yeah… We all feel stressed out once in a while… So how had you planned on telling him?"

"I don't know, at first maybe you know storm in: 'Hi I'm your long lost daughter! Shall we hug?'…" bailey gave out a laugh. "I'm not so sure anymore… I think I'll let mom tell him actually… It's really not like me to let her do such a thing… I normally can't shut up and be quiet about stuff, but this time she'll de the one doing the talking I think…"

"Yeah maybe that's a good thought…" Bailey stated and nodded. "But I think I know a few ones you could talk to…" she rose and started to walk.

"Who-" Zadie stopped. "No, I can't tell them. Mom should tell them too…"

"Didn't you say you have a hard time shutting up normally? I think it's better that you tell them than Meredith because they're too angry t your mom…" Bailey explained and then told the nurse at the desk to page dr O'Malley, Dr Yang and dr Stevens. "Besides, I don't think they'd start screaming at you…"

"Yeah, maybe…" Zadie considered bailey's preposition to be rather okay. "… just one question: how mad?"

"You'll see…" Bailey smiled.

"You have a very nasty habit of leaving everyone in the unknowing… It's not fun…"

"Oh, I do?"

"Yes you do… Mom told me that…" Bailey gave her a glare. "…among many other things, but now I'm experiencing it too… It really sucks…" she sighed.

Bailey smiled. "You'll get used to it…"

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**A/N: **hope yuo enjoyed it! i'll soon update with the enxt chapter 


	12. It Never Is

**A/N: **So I'm back! Have you had a good holiday and so on? I didn't really, and that's why I haven't been able to update... My grandmother died the day before new years eve so... But now I'm fine... I don't cry anymore... So back to business. Here's the 12th chapter, and I'm sorry if I made you guys confused or anything but when Derek ran from the desk when he heard the nurses, he ran because he heard Meredith was there... Simple right? So here's the 12th chapter... Enjoy!

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Chapter 12 - It Never Is**

Meredith stared at the man in front of her. Him, she hadn't seen in a long time and maybe that was the answer to why she felt so different. He was an unusual sight for her eyes to see. Though she knew when she got on the air plane, stepped out of that cab and entered Seattle Grace Hospital, she'd sooner or later meet him. Now that she stood in front of him, she didn't know what to do. He didn't either as he was just standing still, looking at her. She must have caught him by surprise.

She could see him looking at her, searching her. And Meredith couldn't help but to do the same. He looked like he hadn't changed that much. A few grey streaks had appeared in his still curly, black hair. Nothing more, nothing less. He was still as handsome as he was back then. Still she didn't know what to do. She couldn't just turn around and walk away, she couldn't do that.

As Meredith stood there, dead quiet over-thinking the possibilities of what to do, he smiled. She could see him smile as he took a small step towards her.

"Meredith..." he said quietly, still smiling.

Meredith looked down, looking at him she felt guilty. No turning around now. She looked up, pushing forward something similar to a surprised smile. "Derek..." she almost whispered. "... hi..."

"Ehm, so..." Derek paused. "How are you?"

"Oh, eh... I'm f-" Meredith closed her eyes as a well known voice pierced the air.

"Mer! Have you found Zadie yet?" a man's voice shouted from down the stairs.

"Zadie?" Derek asked looking at Meredith.

"Mer, are you up there?!" Mark said as he got up the stairs. "Oh..."

Meredith let out a sigh and looked over at Derek who smiled and tilted his head in disappointment.

"Of course..." he exclaimed and ran a hand through his hair. "Of course..."

"Derek..." Meredith begged quietly. "No, it's not..."

"Of course... It never is..." he said and turned around, walking away.

"Mer..." Mark walked up to her and closed his arms around her. "I'm sorry..."

Meredith crawled out of his grip and slightly pushed him away. "Mark, don't..."

"Hey, now wait a minute..." he looked strangely at her. "Are you mad at me? For?"

"No, I'm not mad..." Meredith glared at him. "It just that you've got the worst freaking timing in the world... You always have and you always will..."

"Ehm, okay..."

"Besides, why did you have to scream about Zadie all over the hospital...? I've got enough stuff on my hands as it is without the nurses talking..." she sighed. "I think I saw Skye down in the cafeteria, which means that Zadie's definitely here. Why don't you go down there, tell her we're here..."

"Are you sure?" Mark asked. "Because I can just shut up or something..."

"Yeah, I'm sure..." Meredith took a deep breath realising what she was about to do. "This is something I have to do on my own... See you later..."

Mark nodded and went down the same way as he came.

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Bailey looked at her former interns, now equal attendings in front of her. Then she looked to her right, through the glass window into the exam room where she had told Zadie to wait. Zadie was going to talk to them and maybe by that ease the pressure so that fists wouldn't be flying, or even worst, mouths would start shouting. That Bailey couldn't bear. Have her nasty sucking up ex-interns nagging each other's ears off, no way... She couldn't bare it in the past, and she could certainly not bare it in the future. 

When Meredith left the three of them had reacted very differently. Them as in Izzie, Christina and George.

Izzie baked for two days straight. Afterwards she brought the lot to the hospital and when people complemented her on how good they were, she gave them an half an hour long speech about how good despair and rage worked together in the art of baking cupcakes.

Christina worked for three days, and then occupied and on-call room for two days following those three.

George was the only one acting somewhat sane, though everyone could see the sadness in his eyes as he ran between his remaining friends to comfort.

"So, what did you want?" Izzie said as she always smiled, revealing a set of pearly white teethes.

"Ehm, I have thing for you to do..." Bailey said and waited for their reactions.

"Huh?" Christina said. "I can't do a thing for you, I have a surgery scheduled in 20 minutes..." she started to stomp her foot impatiently.

"Then maybe, you ought to tell your patient you're doing the surgery later..." Bailey said and crossed her arms over her chest.

"What?!" Christina exclaimed and raised her arms over her head. "I can't cancel... You can't... We're not your interns anymore!"

Izzie looked at her watch. "I've got a meeting in ten minutes, and don't tell me to cancel it. It's with Burke." she said and nodded.

"Oh, like Burke's going to fire you for cancelling a meeting..." Christina mumbled.

"She's just trying to get out of this thing..." George whispered and Christina immediately turned her head to Izzie again and glared at her.

"What!? We're actually going to have a meeting..." Izzie snared. "We're going to talk raise..."

"Raise!?" Christina eyes went big. "Oh, someone's getting his ass kicked tonight..."

"So, that's how you two do it..." George said and smiled.

Izzie gave out a laugh as Christina gave his a jab in the stomach.

"O'Malley..." Bailey started. "You're n-"

"Nasty, I know..." George looked down rubbing his stomach. "That's how I got the syph... Can please not talk about that!"

"Oh, little Georgie getting upset about a shot of syph 15 years ago..." Christina teased. "Uhh..."

"No I'm no-"

"Shut quiet!!!" Bailey shouted and the three doctors in front of her turned to her attention.

"Shut quiet?" George said and gave out a laugh which quickly faded into a nervous sigh.

"Seriously Bailey... Shut quiet..?" Izzie smiled. "Where have you heard that?"

"Oh, shut up!" Bailey said and shook her head. "It that for you satisfaction?!"

The three nodded.

"So, this thing..."

"We haven't been you're interns in a very long time Bailey..." George said and she gave him a glare. "I mean m'am..."

Bailey scoffed, but then turned her ugly side on again. "Let's say that you are now, so you'll do as I tell you!" she stared furiously at them. "So, this thing!"

"Bailey, can't you take and torture the actual interns of this floor instead of us... The attendings..." Izzie said and nodded encouragingly.

"...so thing..." Bailey said through her teethes and kept on staring at them.

"I give up..." Izzie said and sank down on a bed lined up against the wall. "So, what thing?"

"Izzie!" her friends and fellow surgeons exclaimed.

"What?! After all, she is dr Bailey..." the blonde shrugged.

"Yes, I am dr Bailey and just for this moment just for now... You three..." she pointed on each one of them. "... are my interns and by that, you'll do as I tell you..."

"That really sucks..." a recognisable voice said and Alex's head appeared behind Bailey. "I'm so glad I'm not working here..."

She turned slightly on her head and gave him a glare full of loathes. "You..."

"Yes it's me..." Alex said and closed his arms around her. "Nice to see you too Miranda."

"What?!" Bailey exclaimed and stared to make her way out of his grip. "Get off me! And to you it's dr Bailey!"

"Haven't you missed me?" Alex smirked.

"I haven't missed you... and I still don't like you even though your ex-girlfriend, fiancée, wife whatever you two were, are starting to not hate you again..." Bailey mumbled, looking from a slightly smiling Izzie to a big time smirking Alex.

"So, I should carry on..." Alex continued but stopped as he saw Zadie through the glass window. "What's she doing here?" he pointed.

To be continued...

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**A/N: **Good? Bad? I wanna hear what you think so please review... I personally like this chapter, cause I think the interns, now attendings, personalites from 15 years showed. Kinda like now that Meredith's back their back to who they were 15 years ago... I don't, that's what I thought... So please review. I have already written chapter 13 so be quick with the reviews and I'll be quick with the chapter. Just one more thing, check my profile for the next update and so on... Bye! 


	13. So This Thing

**A/N: **Hi guys, agian... Glad you liked it! You were quick with the reviews, and I said I'd be quick with the next chapter so here it is... Let's find out how Alex know Zadie...

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Chapter 13 - So This Thing**

Christina, George and Izzie looked oddly at Alex, but followed his finger anyway in lack of better judgement and a touch of curiosity.

"Zadie..." George exclaimed quietly. "She's the thing!"

"What thing?" Alex asked and joined the others to look at Bailey.

"...so this thing..."

"Are y-" George stopped and then looked to Alex again. "Wait a minute... How do you know her?"

"Well, I don't really know her. I've only seen here once, like three years ago. Though just through the wind shield of the car... when I was talking to Meredith..."

The three standing opposite him stared wide eyes on him.

"Oh... You didn't know?"

"I told you!!!" George outburst in a shout and turned to his paralysed friends. "I told you! I was right! I don't know why I always let you guys run me over..."

"Meredith actually has a daughter?" Izzie said, more to herself than to anyone else as she stared at Zadie. "Meredith has... How did you know?" she looked at Alex. "Have you talked to her?"

"I-"

"You have! And she told you!?" she exclaimed furiously. "You of all people! You! Evil Spawn! Not us, her friends, best friends. That is, that is ju-"

"I bumped into her when I was in New York as she got out of her car. She had to tell me." Alex cut Izzie off and she calmed down, but soon she was right back on track again.

"You knew! You knew and you didn't tell me!" Izzie shouted in anger. "Why didn't you tell me!? You didn't tell me!!"

"Us, Izzie, us!" Christina reminded and glared at Alex who shook his head. "Evil, evil spawn!!!"

"She asked me not to tell you... Besides, at that point you told me to go bury my head and never show my ugly face to the world ever again..." Alex explained.

"Haven't you learned not to listen to a raging woman!?" Izzie scoffed in irritation.

"So I'm not a pig headed man's ass with balls the size of a peanut..? Which we all know is not true..." he smirked.

"That's just too cruel even for you!" George suddenly said and stared angrily at him. "I would seriously kick your ass if it weren't for the fact that we're standing in a hallway with other people. The humiliation would too much for you..."

"Oh, you think you'd actually have a chance?" Alex looked oddly at George and smirked. "No way dude."

"What?! I've done it before..." Alex shook his head as George made his statement. "I could do it again."

"That was barely a nudge, Georgie!"

"I gave you a black eye and I was the champ!" George proudly straightened his back. "And do not call me Georgie!"

"Dude, you were the champ... Still, I'm not gonna stick around to fight you." Alex said and turned to Izzie who barely couldn't keep herself from starting to laugh. "Izzie?"

"Huh?" she said and gave out a smothered laugh. "Yeah?"

"Is it okay if I go and pick up the girls for ice cream or something?"

"You can't... They're on a field trip with school..." Izzie gave him a glare. "Don't you remember?"

"Oh, yeah... Right, I'm sorry..." he scratched his head and turned, smiling at George. "I guess I'll stick around after all..."

George sighed in defeat.

"... so this thing." someone said and everyone expected it to be Bailey, but it was Christina who spoke.

"I guess you all have figured out by now..."

"By a long time ago!" George accentuated, looking at his friends.

"... that she's Meredith daughter..." Bailey continued.

"Yeah, we do get that now..." Christina said and nodded. "Wow... she looks a lot like both Meredith, and you know… McDreamy..."

"Even more than she did three years ago..." Alex added on. "I mean she looked very much like them back then but now... yeah... wow..."

"So what exactly do you want us to do?" Izzie asked Bailey.

"I just want you to talk to her..."

"What!?"

"Talk to her... Hear her side of the story, rather than shouting out your tonsils at Meredith when she gets here..."

"Ehm, I don't have any tonsils..." George informed and the others glared at him. "Okay... I can shout out my intestines or something instead..." he sighed deeply, but quickly froze. "Meredith's coming!?"

"Of course she's coming!" Bailey scoffed. "Her kid flew across the country on her own... Just because Meredith is a mom doesn't mean she's an irresponsible one... Where is your loyalty? You know the sticking-up-for-each-other-just-beacuse-or-just-to-piss-off-the-attending-thing?"

"That she screwed up 15 years ago..." Christina mumbled. "What!?"

"Talk to her..." some sighs flew the air. "I'm telling you, she didn't want to talk to you either... I convinced her..."

"I hate stuff like this..." Christina said as they all walked towards the door. "You know sentimental crap... Bet someone going to cry..."

"I bet Georgie..." Alex smirked. "50 bucks?" he looked at Christina.

"I'll take that action!" Izzie laughed and patted George on his back. "I'm sorry George... I just had to..."

"Good luck." Bailey said and stopped out side the door. "See you later..."

"What?! You're not coming in with us?" George asked and rest looked like they were wondering the same.

"No, I'm not... As you said: you're not my interns anymore so I'm not obliged to help you or protect you..." Bailey explained. "Besides, she's fifteen, what harm could she do to four forty year old surgeons?"

"Correction: I'm the forty year old..." George smiled this time being the one patting Izzie's back.

"Okay so, I'll see you all later." Bailey said and started to walk off. "I told her you were really mad at Meredith, so don't make me look bad..."

"So..." Izzie looked at her friends.

"Yeah..."

She pushed down the handle and they all entered.

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**A/N: **Good? Bad? I'd really like to hear what you all thought... So, it wasn't anything major with Alex and Zadie... Well hope you liked it, and please review...Bye 


	14. I Raised Her

**A/N: Hi guys! I'm so, so sorry for not having updated in a veeery loooong while, I sincerly apologize. I'm not blaming this on anyone, but myself and my stupid computer. First, as you may know, I had a very serious writing block so I had big time trouble finishing this chapter. Second, my internet connection screwed up so I couldn't get out on the net when I had finished this chapter. Third, when the internet connections were okay again and not scred up, I couldn't load the document on which this chapter is written in on the stupid computer I've got at my mom's place so I had to wait until yesterday when I got home to dad to update. But when I finally got to dad's, I had not computer to update from cause dad had it with him to Danmark. But now I'm FINALLY here! So there's nohing left to do then introduce you to: I Raise Her; the 14th chapter of This Puzzle of Mine... hope you don't think I'm a screw up, like my computer...

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**Chapter 14 - I Raised Her **

Meredith found herself sitting in the strair well. It was quiet, almost too quiet. The only thing being heard was her own troubled breaths. Crying made her breath troubled. Truth told she didn't know why she cried. Maybe it was because of the owerwelming feeling of being back or the fact that Derek had turned his back on her again. Or maybe she was just tired of hiding. She didn't really know. All she knew was that everything would be over soon. Derek would get even more upset hearing he has a daughter then he got when Mark walked up the stairs.

Her friends. Friends sounded pathetic to Meredith, but they'd be hurt that she hadn't told them. That she knew. Meredith knew alot had happened in the past years. She knew they had kids now. Lily and Laura was Izzie's daughters, but she didn't know the names of Christina's and George's children. It was sad.

If she had known back then how it would feel to face everyone fifteen years later, she wouldn't have moved. Then she would have stayed, fought. Let Zadie know her father, let him be a part from the beginning. Now she didn't know if it was too late.

When she and Derek were together; those two best, most wonderful, up-on-cloud-nine-months, he had talked about children. He had talked about the future, their future. That all disappeared when he chose Addison, chose to stay with her. Then, that all vanished into the past.

The past was something Meredith had tried to forget, to stay out of, but it wasn't that easy. Every time she looked into the eyes of her daughter, they reflected him and the older she got the more they showed. The soul is to be seen through your eyes, some say. Meredith saw Derek in Zadie's eyes. The one thing she lacked, Meredith saw. So maybe the eyes doesn't only show your soul, maybe also what your soul lack.

Suddenly the door flung open. Meredith raise her hand to wipe away the tears from her face, but stopped in her motion as Derek appeared at the foot of the stairs.

At first he didn't notice her. It was dimly lit as there were no windows and the light in the cealing wasn't helping much. He had his hands against the wall, leaning his head against it. He was breathing heavy too. All of a sudden he smacked his tighthened fist into the wall in anger and turned around, looking up the stairs, at Meredith.

She just sat there, unable to either move or talk. She had never seen him like that. If that was only because of Mark, Meredith didn't know what to expect the rest would unsolve. She was taken aback by his action, she just... She just looked at him...

He just stood there. The pain in his hand was almost unbareble, but he wouldn't show weakness. Not infront of her. He didn't know what to say despite the fact that he had re-played, almost rehersed this moment in his head over and over again. The moment when he'd meet her again. He had known what to say, but now it was all washed away. Washed away with the anger of seeing her together with Mark. He didn't even know why he felt the way he felt. Meredith wasn't his wife. Addison was. That desicion he had made a long time ago. He just looked at her...

"Does it hurt?" Meredith finally said, cursing herself for saying that. She could have said something else, but that was what came out. The old habbit of caring for him showed.

Derek looked down on his, still closed fist. It had started to turn slighly blueish, and it did hurt. "No, I'm fine..." he said coldly, still looking down.

Meredith swallowed and nodded with a tear falling down her cheek. "You have no right to be angry..." she said quietly, almost breathing it out.

"So there is something to be angry for?" Derek stared blankly at her.

"No..." Meredith answered in a breath. "There isn't..."

"But why is he here?" he asked. "Why are you here?"

That made Meredith react. Even Derek did himself. Why did he say that? It wasn't like he didn't want her to be there, that he hadn't missed her because he had. Even though he wasn't up for admitting it. After all he had chosen Addison.

"Why I'm here...?" Meredith bit her lower lip, trying to take a discreet breath as she was truly hit by the question. She even had to repeat it, checking so that he hadn't said wrong or something. By the look on his face he hadn't. "I'm here because I want to..." she lied, trying to convince him and herself.

He nodded carefully not showing any expression. "Since when do you want to be here? There has been complete silence from you for the past fifteen years. Why do you wanna come here, now? You moved away without telling anyone. I had to threat O'Malley to tell me where you had gone... When you had gone... Why you had gone..." Derek took a step up the stairs and his eyes glowed both of sadness and anger. "He didn't know _why_ you had moved. But he looked at me like it was my fault... It was my fault... You moved because of me." he stated. "I didn't want you to go..."

"... but I had to go..." Meredith murmured, nodding, yet again to reasure, this time more herself rather than him. "I had to go..."

"No, Meredith you didn't... We could have been friends, you could have stayed... I would have done anything just so you had stayed..."

Meredith shook her head in chock and stared a him. "We couldn't have been friends... I couldn't have been friends... You would just hurt me again... I didn't want to stick around for that. I loved you... I told you that, but it wasn't enough for you... You chose Addison, you left me... You broke me..." she stood up and took a step down, making their eyes meet in the same level. "Don't you dare make me feel guilty because I moved..."

Derek looked at Meredith for the better part of a minute. Her face didn't show him anything, nothing was being revealed. "I just wanna know why... I want to understand..."

She shook her head. "You don't understand... You won't understand... You just couldn't understand..."

"You keep telling me I don't understand... Of course I don't understand if you won't tell me!" he began to sound frustrated. "Just tell me!"

"I have told you! Do you listen to me!" Meredith shouted, being an inch from hitting Derek. "You broke me! How hard can it be to understand!?"

Derek looked at her and shook his head. "I know you, there's something more to it... You had you're friends here. You could have demanded me to move, instead of you doing that yourself."

"You don't know me Derek! You think you do but you don't. I've changed, I'm not the same person anymore... I've moved on!"

"Have you really?" He looked in disbelieve at her and she looked surprisingly back at him. "Some how I doubt that, cause if you did I don't think you'd stand here telling me that every little bit of it is my fault. That I broke you, that I left you..."

"Well, maybe the earth spinns around you after all!? You don't know me Derek. You never have and you never will!" Meredith said and tried to get past Derek down the stairs. "I don't even wanna be here!" Meredith almost shouted and Derek grabbed her arm, pulling her back. "What are you doing?!"

"What did you say?" he asked. "I thought you..."

"I don't wanna be here..." Meredith repeated, closing her eyes. "I didn't come here because I wanted to..."

Derek looked oddly at her. "But you said... You said you was here because you wanted to..." he paused giving her a long gaze. "Why are you here, Meredith?"

"I didn't come alone..."

"Well, that I think I know now..." Derek said, referring to Mark Sloan coming up the stairs earlier.

Meredith gave him a glare, but as she looked into his eyes she saw Zadie. She looked down, taking a deep breath. Was this it? Meredith imagined it to be. The end. She didn't know how to say it.

After a minute of silence, Meredith felt his hand under her chin, and she took a quiet breath as his skin touched his. "Don't do that..."

"Meredith..." he said gently.

"I have a daughter..." Meredith pushed down his hand and walked down to the bottom of the stairs. There where silence from behind her, again nothing else was heard than their troubled breaths.

Derek ran a hand through his hair, not kowing how to react. "You have a daugther..." he repeated. He could see her nodding. "You have a daughter." He didn't know how to react, she had a daughter. Derek didn't want to think of it the way he did, but he did. Meredith had a daughter, and he didn't know about her and as far as he could figure out Izzie, George or Christina didn't know either cause if they did, as big as their mouths were, he'd know. "Does Christina, Izzie or George know?" he asked.

"No..." she answered, still with her back against him.

"Why haven't you told them... How come you ha..." he stopped and it suddenly struck him, the impossible. "How old is she?"

He could see her tilting her head. "How old is she?" he demanded even though he had a feeling coming up his spine that something was not right and looked at her, his eyes turning serious.

Meredith looked down on her feet. Now it really was the end. She stood there doing nothing, saying nothing, just hearing her own and Derek's breaths. As he asked her again, she had the strong urge to say ten, but another lie wouldn't make it easier, even though it may have seemed like it, she knew it wouldn't. She turned around facing the person whom had left and hurted her deeply fifteen years ago, but whom she had never really let go of. How could she really?

"How old is she Meredith?" he demanded yet again, almost shouting in anger and frustration. Derek didn't know what he wanted her to say. He just knew that one answer wouldn't better than the other or more right. In a way he would get hurt or to say disappointed what ever she would said as she just stood there letting him wait. Letting him wait he builded up small and tiny expectations. Either way, whatever she was going to say. He'd be hurt...

"She's fifteen..." Meredith said quietly, looking down again as the horrible expression she had dreamed about spread over Derek's face.

"Is she mine?" he said coldly and Meredith lowered her eyes to avoid his. "Oh..."

"Derek, I..."

"No!" he demanded and took a step closer to the small-framed woman infront of him. "No, Meredith! Now you listen to me!"

She nodded carefully, a tear rolling down her cheek.

"I have a daughter and you didn't have the decency to tell me! I'm her father!"

"And she has made it through without you!" Meredith shouted, tightening his fists.

"I had the right to know!"

"The second you chose Addison you're rights disappeared..."

Derek eyes widened and they started to get blank. "You... You knew you were..." he swollowed and rubbed his jaws as found it hard to talk. "...pregnant when you left?"

"Yeah, I did..." Meredith looked at him with strong eyes. "I took a pregnancy test two day before you chose Addison and I left..."

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked, ans she looked away for a moment.

"I didn't want you to stay with me for the wrong reasons..."

"Now that's just crap Meredith!"

"NO! It's not!" she shouted at him.

"So you mean that a child is a wrong reason..?"

"I wanted you to stay because you wanted to, not because the dirty old mistress got pregnant..." Meredith explained. "I didn't want my daughter to get hurt, like I was hurt..."

"_Our _daughter... And you were never the old dirty mistress, Meredith... You..."

"Oh, no?" Meredith scoffed angrily. "I have a hard time believing that... Do you know how people looked at me when Addison showed up here, and do you know how I felt?"

Derek shook his head. "No I don't..." he answered truthfully.

"I really felt like I was the dirty old mistress who had screwed America's best and most respected neo-natal suregon's husband, and that was what people though when they looked at me. And really I was the one being screwed with..." Meredith looked furiously at him as he looked point blank at her. "Don't call her your daughter. I raised her, I went up in the middle of the night to comfort a screaming baby, I watched her take her first steps, I comforted her when she thought there were monster's in her closet, I thought her how to tie her shoes, I followed her on her first day to school, I'm the one she comes to with her problems, I raised her. She's my daughter!"

As Meredith finished her speach, tears were streaming down her porslin skin. With those wors she exhaled every little feeling of anger, hate, sadness and disappointment she had ever felt, granted or not.

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**A/N: So what did you think? Bad? Good? Hope you liked it. I had major trouble with this one. Though I don't now where to continue from here. I think I'll write a chapter where Zadie is talking to "the interns" as it's where she's now. And of course a little more fine lined how Derek reacts. And Derek have to meet Zadie "for real" too. Well, I have a lot to think about, but I'm very much disposable for advise and thoughts. S****o I'll be back. Review please...**


	15. The 8th World Wonder

**A/N: **I am truly, deaply, all the way to the moon an back sorry for not updating in sooo long, but now I'm doing it and I'm sorry and I think this chapter is kinda good and I should stop now so you can read... So sorry, once again... Here's the 15th chapter an I'll try be more regular...**

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Chapter 15 - The 8th World Wonder**

"She looks scared..." Izzie whispered to Christina.

"Yeah, well that might be because there are four grown-ups staring at her... Say something..." Christina pushed Izzie in the back.

"You say something..."

"So guys, Bailey said you'd be really mad..." Zadie said and looked strangely at them. "Now you look like a herd of antilope facing a lion... I'm not a lion..."

"Ehm..." Christina started and looked at at her friends. "So... You shouldn't ride elevator with the two of them..."

"What!?"

"Christina!" Izzie exclaimed.

"It true..." Christina said, glaring at the blond.

Izzie shook her head and smiled at Zadie who looked oddly at the four of them. "So you're Meredith's daughter..."

"I am, yeah... Shock, right, I mean for you guys..."

"Yeah, the least, you could say..." Izzie answered.

"No, not really..." Alex spoke, and he smiled proudly. "I saw you three years ago... When I met Meredith outside your car..."

Zadie smiled. "Oh, yeah..."

"You remember?"

"Yeah, I'm not three, you know..." she tilted her head to the side and grinned widely. "You're the guy in the funny hat..." Zadie said.

Both Christina and Izzie gave out a laugh and looked with smug faces at Alex who obviously was a little embarrased. "You wore a hat?" they laughed.

"Yeah, I did..." Alex muttered. "So does O'Malley..."

"Awh, you're always blaming it on someone else..." Christina nodded, clapping her hands quietly. "Very macho..."

"Shut your pie hole Yang!"

"You did..." she looked at Izzie and George with a you-must-agree-or-else-you-die-look. "He did not just say that!?

"Yes, he did!" George exclaimed, not looking at them but looking at Zadie. "Can we please get on with this!"

Both Alex and Christina stopped and glared at him like they were all of a sudden the best of friends.

"Yeah, you just wanna talk about _Meredith.._." Christina made a face. "Grow up George... don't be such a love sick baby..."

George's eyes went big and he turned to her. "What?" he laughed nervously. "Why? What did you say? Love sick?"

"You're married, bambi... Besides," Alex smirked. "Meredith probably has some guys wrapped around her finger, or more accurately around her waist and perferably an inappropriate man around her waiste..."

All of a sudden load roar of laughter pierced the air and the four of them turned around to see a crying Zadie on the bed laughing so much that she had a hard time holding herself up.

The grown-ups just stood there waiting for her to finish her little session of fun, but most of all they wondered what the hell the fun was about.

"Is there something funny?" Christina asked looking suspisiously at the others.

Zadie wiped away a tear that had made its way down her cheek. "Ehm, it's just that... ehm, you said my mother would have some guy wrapped around her finger, ehm waist... Yeah, right..."

"What?"

"My mom hasn't been on a date since like never..." Zadie stated.

"Has she given up men?" Alex said trying to figure out what the hell the girl infront of them was blabbing about.

"Alex!" Izzie smacked him on the back of his head, and quickly turned to Zadie. "So she hasn't dated in a while, huh?" she tried to smile

"Well, dating wasn't really her thing..." Alex countinued, acting like no smacking had been done. "Bar, tequila, man, drunk, car, bedroom or you know livingroom... sex..." he smirked. "That's her thing..."

Another smack.

"What!?"

"Alex!" Izzie sounded again. "What are you doing!? You can't say such things, infront of her!" nodded her head towards Zadie.

"Oh, for heaven's sake. She's fifteen! Right?" Alex looked at Zadie who nodded.

"I have heard far more worse stuff..." Zadie agreed. "I have done far more worse stuff than that..."

It went dead quiet, even Alex didn't laugh.

"Now you all think that Meredith did a crappy job raising me, and that I'm some kind of problem kid... I'm not..."

The silence still remained.

"I was kidding..." Zadie felt a little embaressed. "I didn't mean it like you think I meant it..."

"Eh..."

"Does it help if I say I'll be 16, in like, 5 months?" she looked questionly at the four surgeons infront of her, who looked with terrified eyes at her.

They turned to each other and after the better part of a minute, they turned back to her.

"No, not really..." George answered, scratching his head.

Zadie sighed and shook her head. "Anyways... I was sent in here to tell you not to be angry at my mother..." she paused. "... But I can't really say that cause I've been like on and off angry at her for the last 15 years, I mean I met my dad for the first time today, and I didn't even know it was him..."

"Dude, that's harsh..." Alex said and laughed.

"Thank you..." Zadie nodded quickly.

"So you have met Derek?" Izzie looked kindly at her and Zadie nodded.

"Yeah, I had an encounter with McDreamy because I fell down the stairs over by the board, which by the way is kinda quiet..."

"I know," Christina said with a look of despair on her face. "Like the last time I had a by-pass surgery was yesterday morning. I mean, come on God! Give me some bad hearts!"

"I didn't know you're religious..." George said and smiled.

"I'm not..." Christina snapped. "I'm jewish..."

George looked at her with a troubled face. "Since when aren't jews religious?"

"... meaning I don't practise... religiousness or whatever..."

"Religiousness?" Izzie laughed, but stopped as Christina glared at her. "I mean, isn't Preston religious? How does that match together?" Izzie said with a witty face, basically just to piss of Christina.

"Burke's not religious. He's spiritual, there's a big difference..."

"Oh, you've finally realized that..." someone said and Preston Burke said, leaning against the door frame.

"Preston..." Alex greeted with a handshake.

"Alex..." Burke took his hand. "Always a pleasure to see you..."

"Ehm, Burke what are you doing here?" Christina said in an awkvard tone, more like he was her embaressing parent than husband.

"I thought I'd find out why Izzie couldn't make it to our appointment," Izzie looked down slightly. "and when I was making my way around the ward, I heard the nurses say that Meredith Grey's daughter was here... Then I knew exactly why my three best surgeons had disappeared..." he paused and looked at Zadie with searching, filosophical eyes. "You must be..."

"Zadie Grey..." she said and reached out for the dark hand. "Nice to meet you..."

"Nice to meet you too..."

"I thought you're last name was Groan..." George said and looked oddly at Zadie, as the other ones started to laugh.

"Seriously George..." Izzie looked oddly at him. "Why would she be named that, when Meredith last name is Grey... Obviously she made that up, I mean it doesn't even sound like a real name..." she smirked.

"Hey, my great... great... great... grandmother's last name was Groan!" Alex exclaimed.

"Seriously?" Izzie said oddly.

George looked in hope at him. "Seriously?"

"No..." he smirked. "I just wanted to see... that!" Alex pointed at George. "That expression in your face when you realize you're actually kinda stupid..."

George looked down. "Ass!" he said and rubbed his face.

"Well," Burke said and turned in the door. "I just really wanted to catch aglimt of the 8th world wonder that have come to Seattle Grace..."

"What?" they all exclaimed, including Zadie.

"You're the main gossip right now..." he smiled. "I guess your mother will be joining soon?"

"Probably..." Zadie nodded.

"I thought so... We'll surely see each other later then..." he said and was just about to go when he stopped and looked at Alex. "By the way, why are you here? Picking up Laura and Lily?"

Alex looked oddly at him. "Ehm, I'm here for a consult..." he scratched his head. "Didn't dr Reed tell you that?"

"He said Mark Sloan was coming..."

"Ehm, no. He couldn't make it, he had some family emergency to take care of..."

"Sloan is here..."

"No, I am..."

"But I saw him just now, down in the cafeteria..." Burke paused. "If the he's not here for the consult, why is he here?"

"Ehm, excuse me?" Zadie said and everybodies faces turned to her, who smiled slightly.

"What?"

"I think I could explain that..."

* * *

**A/N: **Hope you liked it, cause I kinda liked it... Well next chapter will involve of course Merdith and Derek, and I think Addison, Bailey... Maybe I'll bring Webber back for a visit now that everyone seems to be back... And one more thing, do you want an accident? Something sad/bad? I have a thing playing in my mind... If you do, please say so in you're review, and I'll try to make it happen... 


	16. Fine

**Chapter 16 - Fine**

The five attendings, including the not so easily amused Chief of Surgery looked with wondering eyes at Zadie who smiled to encourage them to join her.

"So you're Sloan's family emergency?" Alex smirked as wondering while the others crossed their arms.

Zadie nodded. "Yea-"

"And you've known him your whole life?" Izzie interrupted. "Are you sure?"

"Ehm, yeah..."

"Really, really?"

"I think he was the one who taught me to say rock on and boob job..." Alex, Christina and George, gave out smothered laughs. Even Burke smiled, though trying to hide it. "...at the age of three...Mom was no to please with him then…"

"For heaven's sake!" Izzie exclaimed which quite Christina, Alex and George down, not that the real reason she said it was for them to do so. She couldn't believe how Mark Sloan could have been the one helping her friend to raise her child when it should have been she, George and Christina. Izzie truly felt heartbroken due to the fact that Meredith hadn't trusted her to help her and seeing the young girl reflect her mother wasn't making it any easier. But by also feeling truly heartbroken, she felt she could have done something to prevent New York from getting their friend. She also felt a bit selfish thinking she should have been the one called aunty, instead of Mark Sloan being called uncle. "I can't believe she let him, help her raise you! I mean, he's a... a... jerk!"

"Izzie, have you even met dr Sloan?" Burke asked, calmly, looking at her.

"Ehm, I mean... eh..." she rambled getting particularly interested in the beige/grey toned linoleum carpet. "I mean-"

"He means; in person..." Christina mumbled, shaking her head. "... And not from of the words coming from Satan's mouth..."

"Since when is she Satan to you again?" George hissed. "You went out to lunch with her two weeks ago..."

"She made me; I had to spend three days with gynie-squad because we had to discuss some baby who needed cardio-surgery..." George looked at her with odd eyes.. "I had too. Hello?! Gynie-squad!"

"Hey! Gynie-squad rocks..." Izzie raised a patriotic hand to the air. "And Addison's nice..."

Christina had never ever been, and wasn't planning on in a near future to become very fond of Addison. Even though she had been angry at Meredith for moving, Addison had by coming there messed her up and by that she moved. So Christina laughed a little when Izzie said the 'nice' word about Addison, though Burke looked at her with reprimanding eyes.

"Well, Mark is not, ehm, jerk-like... I can't see why he would be?" Zadie said, all of a sudden feeling dizziness take over both her head and eyes.

"Clearly, Mer hasn't told her everything..." Christina smirked, hand on hip.

George looked from his friends to Zadie on the table, seeing her squint her eyes and touch her head.

"Are you okay?" he said, taking a step closer to her.

She nodded and smiled. George felt his eyes water little as she did just that. When Zadie smiled, he thought of Meredith and who much he had missed her, how much they all had missed her.

"Are you really sure?"

"George, it's okay... Seriously..." Zadie said, feeling her words didn't wholly match her confession. She felt a bit dizzy and there were head aches pushing the inside of her scull, making her brain feel like smashed jello, but she didn't want to complain. If her life sucked, so what? She didn't shout out to the world it did. If she had a little head ache, the world wouldn't go plunge into darkness.

"And Sloan and Meredith are just friends, right?" Alex smirked and looked at George who gave him an I-don't-care-I'm-married-with-kids-look.

"Yeah, the last time I checked... They always have and always will... I think..." Zadie said and shook her head, making a face of light disgust.

Alex, Izzie and Christina continued their conversation. Even Burke joined in on a corner.

George couldn't let go of the weak face of the petite built girl, sitting in the bed. Her deep blue eyes didn't seem at all blue or deep and he glimmer he had seen when they first had entered the exam room, despite the situation she had been in, was long gone. The porcelain face of hers looked pale.

"You look pale..." he kneeled down in front of Zadie as he had done many times in front of his own daughter and son.

"Have you ever seen my mom very tanned?"

"You sure?" he repeated in concern.

"Thanks George..." Zadie smiled slightly and put a hand thankful hand on his shoulder. "I'm fine..."

George nodded and rose, backing into Alex who looked at her.

"Do you believe her?" he said quietly just for George's ears, as they watched the teenager join in on the others' wild discussion about what color they had on their scrub caps.

"I believe it's not our place to butt in..." he sighed, even though he wasn't sure he agreed on what he was telling.

"Well, I have heard that one too many times before..." Alex said and looked at George who understood what he meant.

They had both heard those words in the past, many times. Meredith was a magnificent specimen of a person who was fine, but who in the end turned out to be just the opposite.

------------------------------------

Miranda Bailey walked up to the window which showed where she had left her for the time being "interns" and the young girl. Bailey could see Zadie smile as she talked to the others, who she quickly found to include Burke. Bailey wondered why he was there. Or really she didn't, because in the last couple of years he had become sneaky and he knew things, most things, like Richard Webber had, who passed on the flaming torch of leadership to him 10 years earlier, to mainly Derek's, but also Addison's despair as she had been interested in the position of Chief.

"Chief?" she said, anyways, quietly to herself, though not as quiet for someone else to hear her.

"Well, I'm not the chief anymore, but I suppose okay..." a man's voice said behind her and she recognized it very well. Too well, especially being where she was, standing and looking at what she did.

She turned around to a smiling Richard Webber who instantly gave her a hug.

"Ehm, chief..." Bailey said and patted him on his back as he straightened himself up. "What are you doing here?" Richard looked with pinched eye-brows. "Ehm, I mean how great too see you... Why are you here?" she said quickly.

"I thought I'd just pop by and say hello, maybe catch a surgery or two..."

"Well, you certainly did pop..." Bailey muttered and shook her head. "Eh, chief, why don't you go up to OR nr 3's gall..." she started as Richard looked up from her face and though the window into the surgeon-crowded exam room.

"What is happening in there?" he looked at Bailey with kid-seeing-candy-eyes. "Is it an extraordinary case, I mean..."

"You were here yesterday! Poor Adele... You can't stay away from this hospital more than a few days a week and you don't work here!" she said, crossed arms. "I can assure you that the surgery in OR nr 3 is really good... Burke's doing a triple by-pass..." Bailey pulled his arm.

"But Burke's in there!" Richard exclaimed and pointed in through the window at the indigo dressed man.

Bailey sighed in frustration. "Well, then it's Izzie doing a c-section on a mother carrying quintuplets..." she said and tired yet again another pull.

"Izzie is in there too! And I think I would know if this hospital was coming down with quintuplets... I am telling you Miranda, it's got to be big, all the attendings are in there, even Alex Karev is here to visit..."

"And what do I look like to you? An intern!?" Bailey said, hand on hip.

"You know that was not what I meant, Miranda." he smiled apologetically.

"Well, even so you shouldn't go in there..." Bailey said to the back of Richard, who had turned around and was fingering on the door knob. "Besides there is a thing called patient confidentiality if you remember, Chief?"

"If I remember right, here at Seattle Grace we usually give a damn about the rules... so..." he said in a shimmering voice as she turned the knob. "I'm going in there..."

"No, you're not!" Bailey swished past him and placed herself in front of the door. "I must warn you, I'm pretty strong..."

"What are you doing?" he said, with an uncertain smile upon his face. She had advised him in the past to not do certain things, but never had she actually gotten in the way for him to do so. "Oh, come on, Bailey... I'll just be looking... Quiet... As a mouse..."

"That mouse will be rather big then, won't it?" Bailey said hand on hip to him as he crossed his arms.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"You called me an intern..." she hissed

"So that's why you won't let me go in..? Okay I will take it back... My sincere apologies..." he made another try for the door but the small woman dressed in indigo didn't bend an inch.

"There is no need for you to go in." she said. "She doesn't need another person hanging over her... Not now..."

"But they're in there..." Richard pointed on the surgeons, over his shoulder. "And there laughing..."

"Soon enough that girl won't be laughing..." Bailey sighed. "Soon she'll be her generation's human traffic accident, and everybody will slow down to look at the wreckage…" she tilted head. "Richard..."

Richard looked in through the window yet again and saw a young girl among the doctors. She smiled. He decided to not interrupt that. "Okay..." he nodded and sat down on a chair, lined against the wall. "But I'm waiting here until Burke gets out cause I do need to talk to him..."

Miranda smiled and sat down next to him. "I'll join you..." she said and placed a hand on his wrist.

"But haven't you got any surgeries?"

"Quiet board, sir..."

"Oh..."

"Yeah..."

And both Miranda and Richard knew a quiet board meant trouble.


	17. In Red

**A/N: **So here I am, back with the 17th, which I think turned out okay, a little more than okay... There is a few things I really like, but what I think is not what matters. What you think is what matters... So read, enjoy and review!

* * *

**Chapter 17 – In Red**

Richard could see Miranda in the corner of his eye. She was doing post op notes and certain of her not noticing he reached out a hand towards the door handle.

"Don't even think about it!"

Richard pulled back his arm and looked at her. She was still doing post-ops. He sighed. "When are they done? What are they doing?"

"I'll be damn..." she turned away from the papers and looked at him with a surprised, yet annoyed look upon her face. "You're even worst than William, and he's fifteen and half. Not 69!"

Richard rolled his eyes and scratched his grey haired head. "But you know everything, Miranda. You have eyes, everywhere and ears too..."

"I do know everything and what's going on in there... But I won't tell you..." she looked back down in her papers and the pen started to fly across the paper again. "So, sit still, be quiet, hold your limbs close to your body or go be useless somewhere else..."

-------------------------

In the years that had gone by since she left Seattle had Meredith never felt so stared at as she did now. Of course people stared at her when she entered the trauma room waddling like a penguin, 8 months pregnant. Of course they did. And sometimes they said: "Sweetie, aren't you a little wrong?" in a humble, yet condescending tone. Especially the older male surgeons, though they wouldn't say it like the nurses. They'd just blurt out: "Gynie's on the 5th floor" and then turn they're back on.

Sometimes Meredith could understand them, meaning how an intern could put herself in the position of being pregnant? Or honestly: how could she be stupid enough to get herself knocked up? Even if Meredith knew people asked themselves that, she did herself sometimes, but even if she did that she didn't thought of the pregnancy as a mistake. Of course she didn't mean for it to happen. She didn't have sex with Derek for that specific reason, but it wasn't a mistake. Saying it was a mistake Meredith thought was as saying she didn't want Zadie, that she didn't love her. It was like practically saying that she wanted to erase the past 15 years of her life. She didn't want that.

Though she could admit peeing on that stick and it turning positive made her slightly freak out, thinking her life was over, and being pregnant and raising Zadie had been, at times, hard but she had had Mark as a great back up. She was so thankful she had bumped into him on that busy New York street, making his paper fly everywhere. Mark had helped her with almost everything. He even tried to put together the crib, but failed heavily when he was to show it to Meredith. It was as simple as that he rested his hand on it which made the wooden bed fall apart. He bought a new one already put-together and swore that he'd never ever visit IKEA again. He had been, as like he was before she was born, very helpful when Zadie was a baby. He even convinced Meredith to move in with him, that way they could take turns working and watching the little monster as he called the younger version of Zadie.

When Zadie reached one and a half years Meredith moved back to her own apartment and put Zadie in the day care centre at St Helen's, and she became the red-alert kid, because when ever she saw an opportunity she escaped up to the 2nd floor where the surgical ward was. Though that rarely happened before the age of three and a half; when she had learned to walked properly and find her way to the surgical wing.

Meredith's fellow interns as well as friends were all known faces to Zadie and they always said that she had been raised at the hospital. Meredith really couldn't debate that. She was born at St Helen's, she made her second visit at the hospital at the age of three days, her day care was there and sometimes Meredith brought her to the staff meetings and Zadie would be under the table, taking of everyone's slippers and tickle them. And people found that funny. Zadie was the one who could get most grumpy surgeons to crack a smile and if Meredith had stayed, she knew Zadie would have been Bailey's best friend. Bailey would have loved her. Derek would have loved her...

"What do you want me to say?" Meredith finally said, breaking the ice cold silence that had formed since those last words of anger had left her lips.

Derek shook his head and ran a hand through his dark brown curls. He kept on looking at Meredith who still had traces of where the tears had made their way. He noticed she wore the old Dartmouth t-shirt. He loved it, and it looked so good on her, and still did in a way. But that wasn't what he was going to think about. His mind was supposed to be all caught up by his daughter. A daughter he didn't know, didn't know what she looked like, not even her name. No nothing.

"You're right..." he said, looking down in the floor searching for his words. "I didn't raise her... I didn't see her first steps... I'm not the one she comes to with her problems..." Derek looked up with steel eyes, piercing the porcelain face in front of his. "But whose fault is that?! You, Meredith, excluded me out of her life, not the other way around. Don't ever blame me for not being there for her!"

Meredith opened her mouth, but nothing came out. She was out of words. As she stood there unable to speak, unable to move just looking into the blue eyes feeling guilt, the door flung open and a certain red head looked oddly at them.

---------------------

Addison didn't know what to say, she wasn't entirely sure of what she witnessed after opening the door. "So this is where you've been hiding..." she finally blurted out looking from her husband to the woman she hadn't seen in a so long time. That she didn't want to think about the feelings that most likely were being teared up in this moment. "I have been paging you... We said we were going to have lunch and now you are here in the dark with..." Addison couldn't actually say her name. In some weird way she felt sick, thinking about what could have happened. "... With her..."

"Addison..." Meredith exclaimed quietly, and the red head looked at her with cold eyes.

"You have been crying..." Addison stated and Meredith instinctably wiped a hand over her cheeks to see if there were any pearly drops left, but it wasn't. It was all dry,

"I haven't-"

Addison didn't care. She knew she had been crying. She had seen Meredith's post-crying eyes before and she hadn't forgotten them. She turned to Derek again. "I have paged you. Have you forgotten your pager? Is the batteries charged?" she started, and she could see Derek getting frustrated.

"The batteries are okay..." he sighed and looked from Meredith to his wife. "I've just been busy..."

"Well, I can see that..." Addison looked at Meredith who lowered her head.

"No, Addie... Don't pull Meredith into this..."

"What?!"

"Don't pull her into this just because you're having a bad day..."

"Into what?"

"Your bad day started this morning, don't blame her for it..." Addison crossed her arms as Derek took a deep breath. "Look, I had a lot to do... Ms Pearlman had a seizure, a girl fell down the stairs and I was trying to find that Zadie girl you talked about..."

When Meredith heard him say that she looked up, feeling her eyes tear up. He obviously didn't know that was his daughter. The one they had been fighting about, whom they still were. And she felt guilt, towards him, towards her friends. And most of all towards Zadie. "It's... I... She... That's..."

Derek looked at her. She had seen her looked up, so quickly she had reacted and her eyes had gone diamond. She was rambling. She did that when she was nervous. He remembered that and... He remembered, he remembered that from earlier too.

_"And I ramble when I'm tired and nervous…"_

"Addison!" he called out and she stopped her words that had gone by long since he stopped listening. "What did, the girl...? Zadie wear?" he swallowed. "What did she look like?"

Addison looked oddly at her husband who looked terrified yet so calm. "Ehm, she was cute... She wore this shirt..." she motioned towards her chest. "With red letters... She had..." Addison stopped as Derek swished past her. She looked at the door, out where he had disappeared, and then at the woman left a few feet away. "She had..." she started as also Meredith swished past her. Then the bad feeling spread. "Oh, god..."

------------------------------

Zadie looked at the grown ups as she stood up and walked towards the door on stumbling legs. She could feel the eyes of them burning in her back. She turned around. "I know what you're going to say, and I'm fine... Seriously, look!" she started to balance on her right leg, but soon had to put the other down to not fall. "Okay, so I don't have the best balance..."

"Where are you going?" Izzie asked as Zadie touched the door handle.

Zadie turned around and took a deep breath. "I'm going to find my dad and tell him I exist. Then I'm going home, cause I have a strong feeling that he has a life, a life that won't slow down just because I came around..."

"No, Zadie... That's not wha-" George stopped as she gave him a glare.

"Yes... And do you know why I think so?" the grown-ups looked down. "Cause the only thing you have been talking about is what colors you prefer on you scrub caps... You haven't mentioned a single word about him, or about how mad you are at Meredith... I know you're angry; you must be so, so pissed off... She left you. You were her best friends, you did everything together... I mean you lived together for heaven's sake. It must take a lot of love to do that when you already spend 80 hours a week together..." Zadie closed her eyes. "I'm going out now, okay... Thank you for updating me on the scrub cap department..." she smiled.

Alex nodded, and then turned to George. "Are you really sure?"

George looked at the back of Zadie as she disappeared out the door leaving the five of them left. "I don't know..."

"What aren't you sure of?" Izzie asked, looking from Alex to George.

"Didn't you see how she stumbled over to the door, and how she couldn't hold her balance?" George explained.

"So she's tired..." Christina exclaimed and dug her fingers into the wave of curly hair to scratch her head. "I mean flying across the country to find her father must do that to you..."

"But haven't you seen how she's been squinting her eyes and touching her head..." Alex added on to convince.

"Another sign of tiredness! Come on, we're not her parents, not her doctors... She's fine; she can take care of herself... After all Meredith's her mother..."

"Christina..." Burke said as he saw the look upon Izzie's face.

"How can you say that?" Izzie said with big eyes, feeling her lower lip shiver. "She's our friend... Through everything..."

"Well, it didn't sound like that before..."

"No, maybe it didn't but people can change..."

"Well, we all know that..." Christina shrugged.

"Meredith did a few mistakes... A few rather big mistakes..." Izzie shook her head to right her self. "But that's not the point... Friends stick up for each other, we stay, maybe not figuratively, but we stay... I don't think Meredith moved because she felt like it. I think she was scared and she panicked... When you got pregnant, what did you feel, what did you do?"

"For the first: I told someone, I told her... I didn't run away. I stayed...I-" Christina said but stopped as Izzie interrupted her.

"I know you didn't run away, but Meredith couldn't handle it... You didn't have an ex-wife at your heals, trying to out do you, did you?"

"No, I didn't..." Christina looked down.

"So try put yourself in Meredith's situation for once..." Izzie crossed her arms. "And stop acting like the victim here when the real victim is, maybe not Meredith, but most certainly her daughter..."

Christina looked down, not wanting to admit that Izzie made sense.

---------------------

Derek couldn't think, he just ran. Everything swished past him. Everything was blurry, except for the nearest things in front of him. He could hear two voices behind him. One pleading and one demanding. He tried to keep them out, but he couldn't. They kept on behind him, but he wouldn't waste any time to tell them to shut up. He felt he didn't have the time, that he didn't have the time to lose any more of just that. Not with her. With Addison he had had years, with Meredith months, but with her; with his daughter; with Zadie, he hadn't had a single hour. But he had looked her in the eyes, talked to her. He touched her fore head. That was the closest he had been to being a father. Her eyes he actually had noticed where deep blue, as his, even if he hadn't given it a closer thought then. Her hair was like Meredith's, honey blond. Of the most golden color.

"Derek..." he heard from behind him, but it soon faded as he stopped. A laugh came to his attention. He recognized it. It sounded like Meredith, but it didn't come from behind him. He looked a little longer down the hall. It was pretty much empty besides a girl in a shirt with "Down Under" written in red across the front, a pair of jeans and worn-out blue converse. She was talking to Miranda Bailey and Richard Webber, who were both smiling. She smiled back at them, and as Derek stood there heals started to slowly click behind him and the girl turned at the sound. The smile upon her lips faded and a seriousness entered her face. The former happily gesturing arms fell to the sides and a tear that reflected the light, looking like a diamond fell down her porcelain face.

"Zadie..." Derek exclaimed quietly.

* * *

**A/N:** So, how was it? Good? Bad? Horrible? Well, I want to know either way... Constructive criticism is what I need to make this story good... I think it's soon going to end... I haen't descided yet, but I think I won't exceed 22 chapters. So I'm planning out a end... We'll see hop the pairing works out and so on... The line "This looks like freakin' Rocky Horror Picture Show..." is going to be said by someone in the last chapter. Guess who is going to say it... Well, I should stop now, so I don't say too much... And review... I'll try to get the 18th chapter up as soon as possible... Bye!


	18. My Other People

**Chapter 18 - My Other People**

Zadie felt stiff, like she had fallen into quicksand. This wasn't what she had expected when she would for the first time be looking at her father, actually knowing it was him. At their first encounter she hadn't known it was him and he hadn't known who she was either. To Zadie those few minutes didn't count. This was their beginning.

Truth told when she would see her father for the first time (knowing) she had expected a cry of happiness from her side, running towards him. She had expected anything but what she did now. Everything but this.

She could feel a tear rolling quietly down her face as she took a few steps closer to the man still dresses in the indigo blue scrubs. As she came closer she saw the deep blue eyes and he smiled. She recognized them both reflecting in whatever mirror or glass window she passed, even in the water surface when she filled the bathtub sometimes they reflected back on her.

"Derek, what the hell…" Zadie could hear Addison exclaim. "You have to explain this!"

Derek took a step towards Zadie, but felt a hand pull him back.

"Derek!?"

"Not now Addie!" he said and wrestled out of his wife's firm grip, making his way towards his daughter.

A smiled silently entered Zadie's Derek approached her. She closed her eyes for a split second mentally shaking of the tiredness in her body.

"Hi…" he said and smiled slightly, not so fast forward like the dads TV and so on, when seeing their daughter for the first time ever.

Zadie had watched those things many times; the box-office successes and the best-selling books. She didn't like them and hate was a strong word. Though somewhere around there was her liking, because it didn't look real; it wasn't realistic that 10 minutes after seeing the face of your dad for the first time to call him dad. And now she proved it all wrong, because it obviously isn't s in the movies. Nothing is, not in the real world anyways.

But one of the things they always ask themselves, the daughters, in the movies: will he stay; will he stick around? Will it change? She had exited the exam rooms in belief that he wouldn't care. Obviously he did care. He had practically told his wife to shut up, because that was what not now really meant. Zadie had heard it too many ties to know otherwise.

Her mother sometimes used it in tries to go with the American housewife-language. Though it almost always ended up with the truth; shut up. Zadie never took any harm when her mother said that. Mostly she laughed at it because as well as not now didn't fit Meredith, neither did shut up. Plus her mother always felt very badly about saying stuff like that and always apologized gain and again and again until Zadie had to tell her to shut up.

Thinking of those things that her mother had said to her, Zadie couldn't help but wonder if he would say those things. Again came the thoughts of the change; if they would in the future have a relationship; if he'd act upon being dad.

Maybe their so called future would just involve this white hospital hallway and Zadie seeing the night skyline of Seattle as she's make her departure.

Zadie had the opportunity to walk away; to escape the possibility of getting hurt or whatever she'd get that wouldn't be good. She could turn around, but if that was what she wanted, why did she come in the first place? She knew she wasn't an avoider like her mother or someone who turns her back on whenever it goes rough making choices; obviously that was just what Derek had done. She also knew that there was this old line someone had said, probably a dusty, old man, but that wasn't the point.

Hearing the proverb in the back of her head she smiled at the dark haired man with the ocean eyes.

_No pain, no gain…_

"Hello…"

------------------------------------

Derek viewed the seemingly so familiar girl. That he hadn't gotten his facts together earlier when he had seen her was to him a mystery. But of course he hadn't gone to work thinking today he'd meet his daughter. Not in his wildest dreams. "So you know about the McDreamy thing..?" he cursed himself for saying such a bright thing.

"Ehm, yeah…" Zadie looked oddly at him. Of all things that possibly could come out that were the words. Thee exact words. Zadie thought perhaps he was shocked, and that was what she said. "You must be very shocked... Maybe you... I... should..." she took a step back like a frightened fox, continuing rambling stuff and fingering her own finger like she always did in awkward situations.

"I'm sorry, Zadie..." he shook his head, rubbing his forehead. "That was probably not the brightest thing to say..." he looked up and his hands quietly fell to the sides. "To be honest, I have no idea what to say..."

"Oh..." Zadie bit her lip. "Ehm, okay... I guess that's justified…" she smiled hesitatingly.

"Yeah, maybe, but soon enough I will know what to say, and when I do there will be so much to tell..." he smiled awkwardly and ran a hand through his hair. "Did that sound very weird? Cause I wasn't really sure what I was saying."

"It sounded very deep, Derek." she smiled, forgetting the pounding from inside her head and the weakness in her legs disappeared for a moment. "Are you a deep person?"

"No, not really..." he said, giving another smile at the same time scratching his head.

"My mother isn't very, and if you aren't..."

Derek looked back at Meredith who stood with tears in her eyes trying to shut out Addison's stone eyes. The red head quickly turned when Derek looked their way.

"Derek..." hissed Addison behind gritted teeth.

"Not now…"

"...then maybe there is a third guy..." he could hear Zadie continue. "...who's a rodeo clown in Texas, not that I think mom would ever visit the south or that he'd be very dee..."

Then a thud came and he turned around seeing Zadie collapsed by his feet.

------------------------------

Meredith froze for a second as her daughter sailed down and hit the hard floor. She looked around and people rushed over to the petite figure on the ground, picturing Zadie. Beside her stood Addison with wide opened eyes trying to get the hang of what was happening. Meredith did too and ran over the mass of people around Zadie, feeling the panic hit her.

"Zadie..." she screamed as she threw herself by her daughter down on the floor. "Zadie... Zade? Sweet?" She turned to the people around her. "What happened?! Derek?!"

He turned around, facing Meredith with a calm face. "I don't know what it is, Mer..."

"Don't you 'Mer'!" Meredith opened her mouth again but closed when she looked at her daughter's face.

Zadie's eyes started to flutter under the closed eye lids and soon enough she opened them, deep blue looking at the ones around her. "Hi… okay… ehm, right…" she muttered with a questioning look upon her face. "What are you doing?"

"Are you okay, babe?" Meredith said and pushed away a strand of hair that had fallen into her face, then doing the same on her daughter. "You fainted… Don't you remember?"

"All I remember is talking about some rodeo clown down south which by the way wasn't very fun." Zadie sat up all too fast she discovered but didn't winch. "I'm fine…"

"Are you really sure?" Meredith asked. She knew her daughter wasn't the kind of person who complained, even if she wanted too or if it was granted. She didn't really know where that behaviour came from. Maybe it was those times Zadie had found her crying, because then Meredith had told her everything was fine when it wasn't. Maybe that was it, but she wanted to believe that Zadie's soccer coach was the answer behind it all. Seven years of 'Fight, win, show no pain!' before every game might do that to you.

"Mom, I'm fine… Seriously!" Zadie sighed and stood up, legs failing her underneath.

"Seriously you're not." Derek stated and stood up and scooped her up in his arms, carrying her over to a bed lined up against the wall. She wasn't at all heavy. Though, with that frame he hadn't expected her to be. "Are you sure you don't have a head ache?"

Zadie glared at him slightly, rolling her eyes in the most teenaged way. "I've told yo-"

"Zadie?" George cut, crossing his arms over his chest. "Are you really sure that's what you want to say? Because I will tell your," he pause looking down on his feet. "ehm, mother if you don't."

Meredith looked at George who turned away, looking everywhere but at her. She couldn't blame him, but eventually he would have to talk to her and he probably knew that too. She turned back to Zadie who raised her eyebrows in a challenging way.

"What?!"

"Have I missed something here or what?" Meredith asked.

"I fell down the stair… No big deal…" Zadie tried soothingly as her mother looked at her in great disbelief. "Mom, seriously…"

"But you do have a head ache?" Derek asked and raised his eyebrows, moving his finger form side to side for Zadie to follow and pulled up his light pen from his pocket and shone it in Zadie's eyes. "Okay… And seriously is not that convincing..."

"Seriously?" a bunch of people exclaimed and looked at the neurosurgeon who made a face of foolishness pointed directly to his co-workers who had obviously agreed with Zadie.

Zadie sighed and confessed, biting her lip. "Okay, I do…"

"Ehm, I know I'm no brain specialist but she's been squinting her eyes and she couldn't hold her balance very well." Alex said and scratched his head. "That can't be that good, right?"

"Sure, spill my medical background like today's gossip… Sure fine…" Zadie whispered though her teeth and Alex shrugged his shoulders.

"Of course it isn't good, Alex!" a female voice said and Christina glared at Alex with stern eyes.

Meredith glanced over at Christina who froze mid-sentence when she caught the gray eyes looking at her.

"Ehm, I… I have a surgery… soon…" she said and hurried off.

"Christina!" Preston exclaimed and looked at Meredith with apologetic eyes, who shook her head.

"It's okay, Burke…"

"No, it's not…" he said and followed her, disappearing around the corner.

Meredith rubbed her for head, turning to Zadie. "Was it a hard fall?" she glanced at Derek. "Do we need to get an MRI?"

"She fell down some stairs…" a strong yet careful voice confirmed and Meredith turned eye to eye with Miranda Bailey who looked like she always had, but a bit of guilt had been added to the usually hard exterior. "But she hit her head pretty hard…"

"So, I think we should get an MRI," Derek said as Zadie glared at him. "Just in case, because I should have done it before."

"Why expose me to unnecessary radiation when I'm fine? Seriously…"

"Didn't you just say you had a head ache?"

Meredith recognized the voice as Izzie's cheerful one, and looked over at the blond who had her eyes fixed on Zadie, but soon enough she turned to look back at Meredith.

Izzie looked at Meredith, and saw the same Meredith that she had seen fifteen years ago. She looked just fine, a little weary but that's to be expected giving birth a daughter at the same time being an intern, and then raise her all through residency, basically on her own. Izzie probably looked weary herself after having twin daughters, who had had inherited the bad ass gene from their father. Looking at Meredith she didn't feel any of that anger she had in waves felt rushing over her. No all that was gone, in some way it had just disappeared. As she had said to Christina before; people change.

And she smiled and raised her hand, doing a quick wave.

Meredith felt little piece of the lump in her heart that had formed in the years disappear. Izzie waved, and it was so nice to see her bright smiled again. Before she left Seattle, it was always so nice to enter the kitchen, seeing Izzie there; apron-dressed whipping up a batch of muffins or cupcakes or whatever that they had ingredients home for.

"A little head ache hasn't killed anyone…" Zadie rolled her eyes. "Seriously…"

"Actually…" Alex started, but he stopped as George glared at him and Izzie smacked him on his arm. "What?"

"What are you doing?"

"Well, since the kid hasn't had such a bright start with honesty, I might as well introduce her…"

Both George and Izzie sighed. "Don't…"

"Whatever…"

"Zadie," Meredith started and looked into the deep blue. "What is it with you and the I'm-all-fine-campaign? It's okay to be not okay you know… Beside I don't think you're all fine."

Zadie looked down. "I don't know… It's just that, we say stuff not to worry other people and you are my other people. I don't want to burden you with a little silly head ache…" Zadie felt a tear in the corner of her eye and quickly wiped it away. "Seriously…"

"Stop say seriously, Zade… He's right you know," Meredith smiled, motioning Derek. "It doesn't sound very convincing…"

"You say seriously 100 times a day, and you're a neurosurgeon, literally holding people's lives in your hands." Zadie crossed her arms and pursed her mouth. "Don't tell me to not say seriously."

"MRI it's…" Meredith smiled and kissed her daughter on her forehead. "You're not 18 yet…"

"Sadly…" Zadie sighed and stood up.


	19. I Don't Care

**This Puzzle of Mine**

_Chapter 19 – I Don't Care _

As Derek walked just behind the crowd of people escorting Zadie, he heard the familiar clicking behind him and he instantly recognized Addison trying to keep up his pace.

"I'm sorry…" she said without any response from her husband who just continued to walk straight on, ignoring her presence. "You obviously didn't know…" Addison tried again, but nothing and she took a firm grip around his arm. "I'm talking to you… Derek?"

"What!?" he glared at her as she forced him to turn around. Talking to Zadie he had almost forgotten about Addison, had it not been for the angry gaze she had held upon him. The said gaze was still there now, not as angry though, more apologetic. Even so, he didn't care "What is it Addison?!"

"I said I was sorry…" she looked at him who just pulled a hand through the brown curls. "Derek?"

"I stayed with you, I chose you... I could just as easily have signed those papers, but I didn't." Derek said as his wife looked down. "Did you really think that I would hide something like this from you? Is that what I get? The last time I checked, I wasn't the one who slept with your best friend…"

"Derek, that was years ago, and I've told you: I didn't mean anything…"

"It didn't?"

Addison shook her head. "No, of course it didn't…" she said ad hugged him.

Derek didn't respond the hug; he just had his arms along his sides. "Then how come you lived with him, for two months after I moved here...?"

He could feel Addison loosening her arms from around him and when she met his face she had a look of terrify upon hers.

"Ehm, I didn't… I don't know what… I…" she stuttered.

"Did you really think I didn't know?" Derek said, anger evolving in his face. "You just told me it didn't mean anything, which obviously is a lie because you two weren't just roommates. So I think hardly you should be the one doubting me…"

"Derek, I'm sorry…" Addison begged. "I…"

"You can't imagine the guilt I felt towards you for meeting Meredith and for falling in love with her." Derek swallowed back a few tears, feeling his lower lip tremble. "When you came here, I gave everything to save our marriage, and then to have it all gone in the blink of an eye; when a stranger knocks on the door asking for Dr Sloan… in my house…"

Addison rubbed her face, wiping away a few tears that had run down her cheeks. "What?"

"14 years ago; when I was in New York to sell the brownstone, this, I think it was a delivery guy, knocked on the door," Derek gave out a laugh. "and he asked for Dr Sloan, the guy who lived there. I said: there is no Dr Sloan in this house, it never will. He insisted on the fact that Mark lived there." Derek paused. "He said he had delivered stuff there before, and he had even talked to Mrs Sloan; a nice woman with red hair and blue eyes. I told him that was my wife, and he still didn't give up, until I showed a picture of you in my wallet and he apologized. All of that I kind of didn't care much about until I found clothes that weren't mine in the back of a drawer, and of course a foreign toothbrush in the bathroom. Then it kind of fell together… You really just left everything and kicked him out? I almost feel sorry for the poor bastard…"

"He slept with someone else…" Addison said in a robotic voice and stared point blank. "Maybe you should know…"

"I don't want to know that." Derek cut her off shaking his head. "I don't need to…"

"… that…" Addison finished her sentence and looked at Derek with tears in her eyes. "I didn't mean to… You don't know how sorry I am…"

"It doesn't matter… It doesn't matter if he slept with someone else, or if you're sorry. It doesn't matter, because I don't care…" Derek pulled away Addison's hand that had taken a grip around his wrist. "I've held out for 14 years, if you count from the first time you slept with Mark, 16 years. I don't know how long I can-"

"No! Derek, please don't…" Addison almost shouted, but stopped herself as she suddenly noticed the people around had all stopped whatever they were doing and shere all curiously engaged in her words, and Derek's.

Derek nodded carefully and took a step back for his wife whose eyes widened. "I don't care…"

"Derek!"

"I don't care, because I suddenly have more important stuff on my hands, than saving an already failed marriage…"

"Derek, you don't want this…" Addison said, shaking her head. "If you walk away… If you do that, you don't know…"

"I'm pretty much aware of what will happen, Addison…" Derek turned around and with heavy steps he walked towards the corner which his daughter had already rounded. All of a sudden he felt a little bit happier, probably because of that young girl that had come to find him… A rush of relief spread though his body as he rounded that corner, leaving his wife behind.

Addison looked at the white back disappearing around the corner and felt a tear roll down her cheek. She looked at the people around her which all started to seem uncomfortable just because she returned their looks.

"What!" Addison shouted. "Go do something useful for once in your lives!"

**----------------------------**

"Miserable?" Mark repeated the word the young girl in front of him just had said. "Miserable? Are you sure..?"

Skye rolled her eyed and flipped back her red hair. "No offence Dr Sloan, but I know her and I know you think you know her better than you do, so trust me..."

Mark narrowed his eyes on Skye who raised her eyebrows. It felt strange for him to hear someone put the word miserable in the same sentence as Zadie, cause to Mark she was just the opposite of so. Always with a smile curled up on her lips, a tone of voice that was... okay not always matching it's source, but yet never miserable. "Is it because of not having..?"

"Probably..." Skye nodded. She couldn't really put herself in Zadie's situation because she had a dad. A dad that wasn't gone; wasn't away. Her father was always home. In his choice of profession as an artist she could always find him up in the attic-studio or in one of the nearby parks painting. Skye felt she couldn't even put herself in the same situation as her other friends whose parents had normal jobs. Take Matt for example: his father was a lawyer and his mother was a teacher. They had okay working schedules, but if they had okay schedules, did her father, and her mother; who was as much of an artist as her father have like super-awsome-time-for-kids-non-time-consuming-schadules? Then, what did Zadie have? First of all no dad to either have time or have no time. But of course she had a mother, who worked with a schedule that Skye thought only the Devil would have put together.

So, she couldn't in the world put herself in Zadie's situation, but she could see, and most important of all listen when it was needed. Zadie wasn't one of them dark teenagers that just thought the world was crap. Sometimes maybe, she did, they all did. But she didn't complain, but when she did, Skye was sure to listen carefully. And the out come of it all; the few times was, miserable. Not always; not on the outside, just sometimes; on the inside.

"Miserable?" Mark said for the fourth time.

"I'm telling you..." Skye sighed. "But she would never ever admit it, if you'd ask her if she felt miserable she'd laugh you in the face saying: seriously?"

"Yeah, I know… She's a handful, isn't she sometimes?" Mark smiled and shook his head. "A positive handful I mean, happy and helpful…

"I couldn't ask for a better friend really…" Skye smiled. "Where is she by the way? It was like two hours since I went down here? She said she would try to find her dad, and that she'd call me if she found him… Do you know where she is?"

Mark shook his head. "No, not a clue… Meredith's gone too… They're probably up there, but you know I don't want to interrupt them, I'm done interrupting for the day…"

"Ehm, excuse me…" someone coughed and both Mark and Skye looked up.

"Dr O'Malley!" Skye exclaimed and smiled as George nodded. "Nice to see you again," she paused and studied the peculiar shade in his face. "And judging by the look in your face you know about the whole thing…"

"Yes, I do…" he smiled awkwardly and turned to Mark who with pursed mouth looked oddly at George. "Eh, and I assume you are Dr Sloan…"

Mark nodded. "I am…" he held forward a hand which George hesitatingly took. "You must be George O'Malley."

"I, Ehm…" George paused looking suspiciously, yet surprised at Mark. "You, you know who I am?"

"Absolutely." Mark nodded. "Meredith has told me a lot about you."

"I don't know anything about you…" he whispered to himself, looking down on the ground. "Ehm," he stopped as both Mark and Skye looked oddly at him. "Well, anyways… They're all up in the Surgical Area… Zadie, and… eh, Meredith…" he shook his head. "I think you should come…"

"Oh, she's not sitting in a window, threatening to you know, say: jump?"

This time George and Mark looked at the red-headed girl standing beside them with wide eyes. "Seriously?" they both exclaimed.

"Seriously?" George turned to Mark. "You say seriously?"

"Whatever…" Skye muttered.

"Yeah, Meredith must have rubbed off on me…" Mark looked at George from the corner of his eyes as they made their way through the quart yard filled with table and chairs. "… syph-boy…" he coughed.

George suddenly stopped, and slowly turned his head, slowly. "What?"

Mark rolled his eyes. "Take it easy, man… She hasn't said anything worse… not like it could get any… worse…" he said and gave George's back thump with his hand as they continued to walk. "So is it some kind of emergency, O'Malley because you are walking pretty fast and I am not as young as I used to be…"

"It's nothing just that Zadie fell down the stairs and hit her head…" George casually explained.

"She didn't seriously do that?" Skye said on the verge exploding into laughter, but stopped as Mark and George looked. "What? Isn't it kind of fun? I'm mean I bet she tripped taking the last step down or something, probably on her untied shoe laces… What!?"

"It could be serious…" George explained as they reached the elevator and he pushed the button. "I mean, they're doing an MRI soon. Her brain can be injured in all sorts of ways, and you do not want to know the consequences of a fall like th-"

"I think she get it now…" Mark nodded towards Skye, who looked with wide eyes at the shorter doctor who exhaled in relief.

"Thanks…" George said leaning towards Mark, whispering: "I don't know how much longer I could have kept on rambling about brain-stuff… It's not really my thing…"

"Well, don't worry… My pleasure…" Mark looked at the steel doors which slid apart and they all stepped out of the elevator that had taken them up to the surgical floor.

As they made their way through the halls, finally they came to one that in the end of it spotted a group of people he some recognized from out of his own memory and some that he had only been told of.

A dark, old, yet tall man stood among the crown of people. Richard Webber he knew and had met a long time ago. Beside him stood a woman also of colour, who looked around his own aged. She was short and judging by her appearance as well as manners talking to them all, he could figure out that was Dr Bailey; the Nazi. Meredith had told him about her. Even if she didn't sound so cuddly and fussy from what Meredith had said, he could hear a sense of warmth and care in her voice.

A blonde wave of long hair caught is attention and he instantly recognized Izzie from out of Meredith's words. She laughed and smiled and was all caught up in a conversation with Meredith, who had yet to spot him.

Among them was also Alex Karev who he had met several times in the field of Plastic Surgery as he was just that.

The first one to spot them was Derek, as he joined the group. He stared for a while at them, mostly at Mark as they moved closer and when they had made their way over to them; Derek turned to Meredith who looked awkwardly at Derek.

"I got side tracked…" he said blankly, then changing the tone of his voice in the blink of an eye. "Have you talked to the technician?"

"Ehm, no…" Meredith looked suspiciously at him. All of a sudden he was all nice and, well, yeah nice. It was a bit weird because not long ago he had been shouting at her and banging his fist into the wall. "I thought you would do that… But you didn't come, so I figured we'd wait… I mean you're the brain specialist…"

"Yeah, I guess…" Derek looked down. "Well, I'll go do that then… Ehm, I suppose someone should tell Zadie… Where is she by the way?"

"Ehm, in there…" Meredith pointed at a door with a sign reading 3659. "I think she's trying to put on the 'freaking thing called a dress'" Meredith said in a voice trying to sound like Zadie. "It's not much she decides for herself today…"

"I'll tell her, Meredith…" Skye smiled, as she swished past all the adults.

Left remained total silence, just awkward looks through the group of people.

"Well, I think I should get going…" Miranda started, looking towards Richard. "Don't you think..?"

"What?" Richard said, unknowing at first, but as Miranda started to shake and nod her head meaning for them to go, he soon got it. "Oh, oh, yeah… Right, Ehm, tell me later how it went…?" Richard said to Meredith as they disappeared around the corner.

"I think I'll go get a coffee or something… Just find me later, okay?" Alex said and Izzie nodded as he parted from them, leaving just Izzie, Meredith, Mark and Derek left.

"Is Zadie okay?" Mark asked, looking at Meredith.

"Okay, "I'll go prep then…" Derek said quickly and said and disappeared.

As he was out of sight, Mark smiled and Meredith rolled her eyes at the tall man who instantly stopped. "What?"

"That wasn't necessary…" Meredith said, looking at Mark with a reprimanding look.

"What? To ask how Zadie were?"

"Not in front of him at least." Meredith explained and moved towards the door which Derek had disappeared though. "I'll go talk to him…"

"Meredith… Ehm, are you going to leave me here… Alone?" Izzie asked, as Mark smiled at her.

"That's what I've heard I do best…" Meredith said, shrugging her shoulders.

"What?" Izzie looked oddly at her.

"I'll be back in a minute... Don't worry…" Meredith smiled. "It's not like he bites…"

Izzie pushed forward a fake smiled, looked at Mark from the corner of her eye. "Don't be so sure of that…." she whispered.

"Okay…" Mark said and looked at Izzie holding forward a hand, showing his charming smile. "I believe we haven't met. Mark Sloan. Nice to meet you Izzie."

Izzie took his hand. "I guess you're the one teaching Zadie how to say rock on and boob job…"

"That would be me…" Mark confessed.

"Yeah…" Izzie smiled at the genuine looked upon the man's face. "Thanks…"

"Thanks for what?"

"For being there for her…"

Mark nodded as he saw the sad look upon her face.


	20. Let's Have Some Fun

**Chapter 20 – Let's Have Some Fun**

Zadie rose out of the wheel chair she had 10 minutes earlier been pushed down in after a discussion whether she could walk or not. Her mother had thought her brain was a mushy thingy that couldn't think clearly, let alone run a pair of legs, which Meredith considered reason enough for her daughter to sit down. Zadie hadn't agreed and had started to protest saying her legs were perfectly fine.

Then Alex had pushed her down in the wheel chair, saying all that came out of her mouth was blurry words that didn't make any sense whatsoever. He pretty much shut Zadie up.

"Damn it…" she swore silently so that no one outside the room would hear. "Crap…" Zadie looked down on the thing the hospital staff called a gown or a dress, because a dress or a gown it wasn't. I was everything but a dress. It was a piece of fabric with strings attached to it. It was something that could kick the most genius person's brain cells in their buts. It was that hard.

"Nice panties, Grey…" someone said behind Zadie and she instantly turned around to the face of her best friend, who smiled as she let herself in and closed the door silently behind her.

Zadie quickly put on her own shirt and gave Skye a hug. "I'm so sorry, I totally forgot…"

"It's okay…" Skye smiled as they broke apart. "So you found him...?"

"Yeah…" Zadie nodded and pulled her hair up in a big, messy bun. "He's kinda nice…"

"I saw him just outside… He got weird when he saw Mark…" Skye said and sat down in a chair. "What's this?" she held up the blue and white hospital gown.

Zadie gave out a laugh. "It's a gown… He went weird you say?"

"Oh dude, I'll believe that when I see it…" Skye shook her head as she put down the dress. "Yeah, weird… When I was down in the cafeteria Mark came and we talked a bit… Then came George and told us to come cause you had hit you head?" Skye raised her eyebrows. "It's so typically you to do such a thing… Are you alright?"

"Yeah, it's nothing..."

"Obviously not… You are having an MRI or whatever it's called…"

"It's okay… Seriously, they're all exaggerating, so please you don't start on me too…" Zadie tipped her head to the side and smiled. "Please?"

Skye rolled her eyes. "Anyways, when we got up here, at first your dad, or Derek was it?" Zadie nodded. "Yeah, okay, Derek looked first very intensely at Mark, and then when we actually got there he just looked away and when Mark spoke, not actually to him but to your mom, he walked away…"

"It's something weird between them, I don't know what it is yet, but I know they used to know each other very well before… It's odd…

There was a knock on the door and the girls immediately stopped talking.

"Yeah?" Zadie said and Izzie opened the door.

"Hi girls… Ehm, they're ready for you now, if that's okay?"

Zadie nodded. "Skye this is Izzie, she and my mom used to be friends… Izzie this is Skye, my best friend."

The two shock hands.

"I am still, ehm, Meredith's friend…" Izzie said and nodded. "I have always been…"

"Oh, well okay…" Skye started, and looked at Skye who smiled and then at the blond woman again. "I should go…"

"Dr Sloan is outside, just wait there and you can talk afterwards…" Izzie said and smiled as Skye exit the door. She turned to Zadie who had already sat down in the wheel chair.

"I suppose I have to sit in this one?" she said and smiled ironically.

"Yeah, hospital policy or something…" Izzie got behind the wheel chair. "You haven't put on the dress…"

"Seriously? You actually call it a dress?" Zadie looked up at Izzie. "It's not a dress…"

"I suppose you don't have to wear it…" Izzie started to push the chair forward towards the door. "But then you'll have to lay there naked, and that's not so fun…"

A hand rose in the air. "Give it to me…" Zadie said. "We'll make it work…"

"I thought so…"

After Izzie had helped Zadie put on the now called piece-of-fabric-with-blue-dots-on-with-strings-attached Zadie sat down in the wheel chair again. "This is not your field really…" Zadie said as Izzie started to push the wheel chair towards the door.

"No, it's not…" Izzie smiled. "How did you know?"

"Mom has told me… You guys and this hospital is pretty much it when it comes to things I know about her past…"

"So has she told you a lot?" Izzie stopped and looked down on the girl that who looked back.

"I know your real name is Isobel, that you are a good baker, and she once told me that you were going to have a little get-together-met-the-boyfriend-thing which turned into a full-scale frat party…" Zadie paused as Izzie smiled yet again. "She also told me that you're one of the best friends she's ever had……"

Izzie just nodded and continued to wheel the chair, but Zadie could see a modest smile, being tamed to not explode. "You happy, dr Stevens?"

"I'm fine…" Izzie smiled as she pushed open the door. "I'm just great…"

- - - - - - - - -

Meredith looked at Derek from the corner of her eye. He had stood there, still ever since she had entered. When she had said hi, he hadn't said anything back. He hadn't even looked at her, but it was probably granted after everything, so she really couldn't blame him. But okay he didn't look. People can be angry, still they can look okay, fine even, but Derek didn't look either.

She had tried to say something for quite a while but every time she had opened her mouth she just couldn't say anything. Either it was Derek who mowed a bit which made her think that he was going to say something or she simply just couldn't say anything.

"Are you okay?" she finally said as Derek continued to look straight on through the glass doors waiting for Zadie to enter.

"I'm fine…" he nodded slightly and bent forward to the microphone, pressing a button as Zadie was pushed in through the door. "Izzie, you know the drill…" he said as Izzie nodded and started to push the buttons on the big machine. "Zadie, you alright?"

"I'm perfectly fine…" a muffled voice said through the speakers and she laughed. "Just lay still right?"

Meredith could see Izzie nodding, as Zadie disappeared into the tunnel actually smiling as ever before.

"That's right." Derek nodded.

"It'll take a while…" the technician looked up on them and then turned back to looking at the screen.

Meredith looked at Derek who stood leaning against the wall and joined him. "Are you sure, I mean that you are fine, because you don't look that… fine…" she rambled without any response. "Did something happen…?"

"Yeah, something happened…" he looked up at Meredith who swallowed seeing the look upon his face. "You came and now I have a daughter, that I might have to operate on and I don't want to do that, but I will have to cause I wouldn't let anyone but the best lay a hand on that girl because you are her mother and that makes you unable to operate on her…" Derek stopped. "That's what happened…"

"Oh…" Meredith nodded and joined Derek to look straight forward in through the window at their daughter who wiggled her toes.

There was a beat of silence before Derek opened his mouth again. "She lived with him… for two months after I moved here…"

Meredith was startled by his words. "What? Addison and Mark-"

"Yeah…" Derek studied Meredith face. "Didn't you know?"

"No, didn't…" she said and swallowed. "She told you today?"

"I've known for 14 years…" Derek gave out laugh of irony. "She never told me…"

"I'm sorry…" Meredith said and Derek nodded.

"Thank you…"

"How's it going?" a happy voice said and Izzie entered with a weird look upon her face. "Did I interrupt anything?"

"No…" Meredith shook her head. "Nothing at all…"

When her eyes caught the screen she froze, it felt like her heart stopped. Meredith instantly recognized what the screen showed and she looked at Derek who sat down in a chair by the table.

"That's pretty big, isn't it?" Izzie looked at Derek who rubbed his face.

"You see what it is…" Derek ran a hand through the dark curls and looked at Meredith whose lips shivered. "I don't need to tell you that we have to operate straight away…"

Meredith nodded, taking a step towards the screen and she placed her self behind the technician's chair. "Could you update the picture, please…?" she said, voice trembling.

As the new picture showed on the screen Meredith looked up on her daughter. Her toes had stopped wiggling.

"It's bleeding fast; we have to get her to an OR now." Derek stood up quickly. "Izzie could you alert the..?"

"Yeah…" Izzie stopped in the door and looked at Meredith. "It's going to be alright…"

"She's not smiling… her toes are still… she's not moving…" was Meredith's only answer as her eyes widened. "Get her out of there now! Derek!"

Meredith ran out of the control room as Zadie now again was out of the tunnel. She wasn't moving; she just laid there as she was sleeping like sleeping beauty, though Zadie's sleep weren't a sleep that would last for 100 years or whatever the amount of damn years was. Zadie wouldn't wake up all fine after those years, seeing the world had fallen asleep with her. Meredith wished she could make the story true but she couldn't. No one could. Zadie might not wake up, she knew that as a surgeon and in this moment Meredith strongly hated her choice of profession, as she felt unknowing until the end was rather good, better than to know everything and have that on your mind until that end. It may sound crazy, but Meredith Grey's way of dealing with things, heavy and hard stuff weren't her best asset and as of now, Meredith weren't the top surgeon she had come to be. Now she was just a freaked out mother who thought she'd loose her daughter.

"Meredith!" she could hear someone say and she turned in melancholy to her right, seeing Derek's face. "Meredith!"

"It's an acute… it's bleeding fast, you gotta go… I know… I know that because I am a surgeon and I don't wanna… I don't wanna…" Meredith started to cry, covering her mouth. "Derek… I'm so sorry…"

"It's not your fault…" Derek said taking her head in his hands, looking into her eyes. "You know that, Mer… The intracranial pressure is too high, we gotta get her into surgery to release the pressure and get rid of the hematoma, you know that… Fast… "

Meredith nodded carefully. "You have to go; I'll be there in just a sec…"

Derek looked at Meredith who nodded. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I know she's in good hands… I've got Mark and everyone… They're somewhere… I'll find them, you gotta go…" she swallowed. "Go, I can handle this…"

Derek nodded, gently placing a kiss on Meredith's forehead. He started running and soon he was by the OR in which the team had started to prep Zadie. He put on everything he always did when he had a surgery, when he had regular surgeries. Now wasn't a regular surgery. It was his daughter. He knew Burke probably wouldn't have authorized himself doing it if Derek had asked him but in this moment Derek gave a crap about the Chief of Surgery and what he would or wouldn't authorize. Derek thought he hadn't known Zadie enough to not get to perform the surgery, but long enough to not forgive himself if anything happened. Really it was a win loose situation and as he mad his entrance in through the OR door and the gloves slid on he felt his only way out of this was winning, he knew it was his only way out.

"It's a… ehm… beautiful day to s-save lives people…" it went dead quiet in the OR and in the gallery over them not a mouth moved. Obviously the news of the patient being the surgeon's daughter had reached them all. Derek looked down on the head in front of him and he swallowed. "Let's have some fun…"


	21. Not Hiding

**This Puzzle of Mine**

_chapter 21 – not hiding_

As George opened the door to the, what he thought empty supply closet he got a minor shock seeing Christina on the floor. He looked oddly at his friend as he shut the door behind him.

"What are you doing, bambi?" Christina glared at him when he sat down beside her on the floor.

George smiled slightly at the ineffectual insult. 15 years ago he would have cared and thrown something back at her which of course wouldn't have effected her. "What are you doing?" he paused as Christina sighed and rolled her eyes. "Hiding?"

"No... " she muttered.

"Okay..." George nodded and looked at her. "Did Burke get a hold of you?"

"No, and if you think that's why I'm hiding," Christina made a face. "Then you're wrong, cause I'm not even hiding..."

"Ehm, no he wasn't who I meant... You know... eh..." George stopped. "So how did the surgery go?"

"I didn't do any surgery... I post-poned it..." she confessed.

"So now you're hiding?" George repeated himself. "I'm hiding though... I am hiding, hiding I am... Hi-"

"You know what? Stop questioning me!" Christina looked at him with her dark, tiny, sometimes very scary eyes. "You're bothering, and I'm not- oh stop with the sad puppy eyes!"

"I'm not!" George smiled.

"Stop say I'm hiding then, cause I'm not!" she waved a hand through the air. "You might be hiding, but I am not!"

"And that sounds very convincing..." George picked up his stethoscope and started to play with it between his fingers. "I'm hiding... from... her. Not that.. she's looking for me or anything... You know, I walked away and they, she didn't even notice. No one did. It's like if I'd walk up to them and say 'Hey, where's George?' they'd be all 'George who?'... I mean I'm George! I buy Izzie's tampons, I used to buy Meredith's..."

Christina looked oddly at George. "And you think buying their tampons would get you attention?" George nodded slightly. "You're disturbed... No wonder why you ended up with syph-nurse..."

George smacked Christina on her arm. "Hey! Don't talk about my wife like that... Anyway. Still, it's not me who's sitting in a closet, pretending that I'm not hiding..." George paused as Christina looked down, rubbing her forehead. "I've missed her so much, but I... I can hardly talk about her, you know, let alone with her... She's standing there and you try, you try to say something and she looks at you and you-"

"... You freeze..." Christina sighed quietly.

"Yeah, exactly... You-?"

"And if you tell a soul you're a dead man." Christina gave him a murders glare. "The hunters, charge, kaboom! Dead, bloody, bambi all over the floor. Got it!?"

"Got it!" George exclaimed happily as they exited the closet. "I absolutely do... Absolutely, do I... Do I? Aboslutely! I-"

"I get it, bambi..." Christina shook her head as they made they're way through the hallways.

"You get that I got it... And I get that you got that I got it..!"

"Okay, what's with the happy, smily thing?"

"I'm just happy that you're all warm and squshy..." George put an arm around Christina who quickly removed it.

"I'm not warm and squshy..." she muttered angrily.

"Sure you are!" George cheered.

"Whatever..."

"Yeah!"

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Meredith looked around, feeling the tears creep out of the corners of her eyes even though she tried to stop it. She couldn't see a familiar face, not an unfamiliar either. The corridor was literally deserted. Everyone were somewhere else, somewhere she wasn't.

Again just to be sure, she took another look down the hall and too the side to see if there would be someone, somewhere she knew. Mark wasn't there, and Skye was gone as well. Izzie had followed Zadie down even if it wasn't her job and she had yet to return. George was nowhere to be found.

Everybody was gone, except for Meredith.

Standing there, feeling the tears rise she breathed faster and faster with every breath. As the first tear entered and rolled down her face she covered her mouth with her hand to stop herself from screaming. She didn't know what to do, she just stood there unable to move, unable to think, unable to do anything.


	22. Clicks of Manolos

**A/N: **Okay, first thing I have to say is: I am truly deeply sorry for not updating in such (!!!!) a loooong time! I'm really sorry, because i've written chapters 22 and 23 but forgot to post them here (posted on a forum first), so i just wanted to apologize for that, and add that i'm gonna try to updtae more frequently. Though i have school now, but i'll try between homework and stuff... ah well, i shouldn't keep the chapters from you any time longer so, well here it is! and don't forget review, though i hardly deserve it!

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**Chapter 22 – Clicks of Manolos**

Addison walked through the seemed to be empty hallway. She felt relieved to the fact that it was infact that, After what had happnened, the last thing she needed was a lot of people around her looking and whipering. Now was really not the time for that, it wasn't the time for anything. She had just what she thought at least, cause she wasn't sure yet, ended her marriage. Or Derek had... No, she had definitely ended it herself, because of those two lousy months 16 years ago. How could she let that happen? Addison didn't know, cause Derek was supposed to be the love of her life, and she his. That was the reason why she even came to Seattle in the first place. To get her husband. And she had thought she had gotten him back, but obviously she had been wrong, as about many other things. Like that she and Mark could make it as a couple those many years ago, that Derek and she had made it back on track... that Derek had let Meredith go.

Now it was obvious he hadn't, and it did certianly not help that he found out he had a daughter. But Addison couldn't dislike that girl, evne though she wasn't the mother of Zadie. Still it hurt, because of the fact that she always wanted kids. She wanted kids with Derek, but nothing ever happened. So then to get to know that her husband had gotten his wish granted without her wasn't exactly fun. More like heartbreaking or just, sad...

Stopping dead in her tracks, Addison looked up at the tiny sunken down figure at the far end of the corridor. At the moment that person was the last person she wanted to see. Infact, her strong urge to not talk to that person made her think that everyone would have been better. Addison even, whole heartedly, thought that one of the nurses would have been a more delightful face to see, even if her own state was what it was.

That meaning, Addison would rather have the nurses talking about her than seeing that person. Though, the nurses, and that meaning everyting from onkologhy to peeds, probably already knew about her and Derek,

Really, the bottom line was that Addison didn't want to talk to Meredith Grey.

Eredith sat still quietly at the end of the hall, still being the tiny figure. She had yet to see Addison and Addison knew she could easily jst walk away.

Bring on the nurses! Addison thought to herself, but still she couldn't stop looking at the woman sitting there against the wall with her hadns covering her face, which Addison suddenly noticed and she sighed.

The pope going out on the streets of Rome, handing out condoms was something that wpuld not happen, zero chance. And that was about the same chance that she'd walk over to Meredith. Yet that was what she found herself doing.

Wach step she took she looked around to see if someone else came around so that Addison could go back to what she had thought about that zero chance. No one came and Addison sighed heavily again loud enough for Meredith to hear and she looked up.

When meeting each other's eye, Addison stopped in her tracks. Her strong side had always bee to know what to say.

Now she didn´t.

"I knew you were coming..." Meredith said, trying to clear her throat from tears. "I head your shoes..."

Addison looked down on her feet and the Manolos they were pressed into for the days. Paying that much for a pair of shoes, the least they could do was to make them click-proof.

Meredith wiped away a few tears and looked up at Addison who stood a few feet away, hand on hip. "I'm sorry about you and Derek... It was not why I came here..."

Addison looked away. "Why're you crying? It's not me he wants anymore... He wants you..."

"I'm not sure I wanthim..." Meredith said and looked oddly at her, but with a bit of triumph. "If you're gonna good girl. I swear to god, now is not the time..."

"Meredith Grey does know how to throw her words around..." Addison crossed her arms, while Meredith glared at her. "Where's that cute daughet of yours? Spending quality time with her father? While you sit her sobbing, not knowing wheather you want Derek back. McDreamy Meredith! For god's sake! You've always wanted him, and he always wanted you. It didn't matter you moved to the other side of the country, you've tormented me anyway, just by existing, cause the man I love does not love med, or atleast not like he loves you." Addison waved a hand through the air and looked at Meredith whose face seemed tired and she shook her head, making the dark blonde hair swish past her face. "But I felt so guilty for the thing with Mark, which you obviously know about, so I settled with being the second love of Derek's life, cause you've been his first since the night he met you. You know maybe I should have stayed away from Derek, so that you two could have had your little happy ending with your lovely daughter, cause she really is lovely..."

Each time Addison mentioned Zadie, Meredith close her eyes in pain. She hadn't heard anything in a long time and sitting there being yelled at by her daughter's father's wife didn't exactly make things easier. Just thinking of the possibility that she could lose her daughter scared Meredith to death, cause Zadie was her eveything. To lose one's everything would make anybody scared to death.

Addison took a deep breath before continuing. "You know, just thinking of wat you have makes me sick, because what you have what I always wanted..." Addison stopped as Meredith opened her mouth.

"You really want what I have?" Meredith questioned sternly. "You really want what I have Addison? Really?"

Addison didn't say anything, but took a step back as the woman in front of her stoodup. Meredith was still the slightly petite and small framed woman sha had always been and the porclein doll face hadn't gone anywhere. She hadn't seemed to have changed. Addison hadn't either and despite the fact that her height had yet to fail her and she was almost 10 cm taller than Meredith without the Manolos; at some point Meredith almost scared Addison with the gray eyes.

"Because I doubt that... Do you have any idea what it took for me to get what I have; what you want? I moved away from everything I loved, I had to start all over again in a new city. I raised my daughter alone. I was the one who had to answer her when she asked where her dad was and why her friends had dads and not her. There was a long time when she hated her dad adng herself cause she thought her dad hated her. I told her her dad didn't hate her, but she wouldn't accept it for a long time, and then I hated mysef because I did that to my daughter.# Meredith said under her breath. "Is that really what you want?"

"You have a wonderful daughter who is sweet and kind and incredibly charming and cute. You're a mother and you have a family, maybe not the kind of one people expect but you have someone to love and who loves you unconditionally back." Addison gave out a weak but quite honest smile. "That's all I ever wanted."

"Well, my daughter maybe sweet and charming and cute, but it hardly matters does it, if she never wakes up again." Meredith said behind gritted teeth and Addison stared at her. "What I have now is a daughter who might not wake up to see another day. I might not get to see her eyes again or hear her voice. There's a possibility that Zadie will never get to know her father, I might lose my daughter, so please Addison Don't say that I have what you want cause I don't..."

Addison opened her mouth, but closed it again not knowing what to say.

Izzie looked at Derek as her took of his scrub cap and ran a hand thorugh his dark brown curls.

"Do you want me to, or...?" she said carefully and serched in his face for the answer.

Derek turned his head towards Izzie with a tired look in his face and hi stopped on the spot. "I'll tell her..." he looked down. "I think she wants to hear it from me... I think..."

"Yeah, okay..." Izzie nodded and swallowed. "I'll go get the others... She'll need them too..."

"Yeah, yeah do that..." Derek nodded, rubbing his face. "That'll be good..."

Derek sighed heavily as Izzie left him and ran another hand through his hair, soinning around in helpness.

And then it all broke. Every barrier of emotions broke and everything just rushed out and her started to cry. People passing him looked oddly at him but Derek didn't care, he couldn't help it. He just cried.


	23. Mr Ice Age

**Chapter 23 – Mr Ice Age**

Izzie walked through the cafeteria where she had been told Mark Sloan and Alex sat, accompanied by a young girl.

She felt abit uneasy about being the one to tell them, partly because it had been a rather long time since she had had to give anyone bad news. It rarely happened up in the OB/GYN ward where life was born. Not that Zadie had lost hers, but it had been close a cpupleof times during surgery, and it still was. Another part of why she felt uneasy was alos the fact that it was personal. Zadie was Meredith's daughter, and Meredith was Izzie's friend. Some would probably think that she hadn't known Zadie long enough to feel anything, and Izzie kept telling herself that so she wouldn't start to cry cause she didn't want to do that infront of Mark who seemed to have been something of a father figure to Zadie, and Skye who was Zadie's bst friend. Alex, she didn't care about. She had cried infront of him before, but with them it was a hundred times different.

Derek, Izzie couldn't in a million years imagine how he felt, how he pulled through doing the surgery. Izzie had asked him many times on the way to surgery, despite knowing they couldn't wait, if they shouldn't get another surgeon,  
The final time she had asked before they went into surgery, he answered with a voice of, being quite frank desparation: 'I haven't known her long enough to not do the surgery, but long enough to never forgive myself if anything happens. There's no one else here, so what do you think I should do?"

And Izzie didn't know...

Now she could hear their voices as she entered the table filled court yard. She could see them lauing and smiling. Alex pulled his usual crappy jokes, but the laughed cause they hadn't heard them as many times as Izzie had. Soon they wouldn't be laughing.

She stood for a second, out of sight of the trio, just looking at them, taking in ther happy faces, remembering their laughs. She felt she needed that before going to them, so that she could be the cheery, happy person, to be the one saying that everything was going to be alright, and she hoped Derek had enough to help himself, and Meredith.

"What are you doing?" a voice said from behind and Izzie spun around.

"Oh my god! You scared me!" Izzie looked startled at Christina and George.

"Oh, you're spying on Sloan..." Christina raised her eyebrows micheivously. "He isn't too bad, I mean for being his age..."

"Well, then you're stuck with Mr Ice Age..." George mumbled under his breath, and Christina reacted, but didn't say anything back.

"What? No!" Izzie shook her head in disbelief. "Where have you been? And where did you go!?" she looked at George.

"She," George patted Christinas shoulder. "was hiding out in a supply closet, and I found her and we talked about her fear of best-friends-who-moves-away-but-comes-back, and now everything is fine..." he smiled but no one else is following his example. "Don't you get it? Fear?... Friend who mover away?... Mere-"

"Shut up George..." Christina muttered and turned to Izzie. "You had a surgery? Anything cool?"

"what?" Izzie said and Christina pointed at her head. Izzie raised a hand and felt the scrupcap still on her head and she quickly took it off. "No, ehm... Derek had a surgery..." she said quietly and twisted the piece of fabric in her hands.

"And you what?" Christina looked oddly, but a little amused at the blonde. "Joined in and played intern?"

"No! No I didn't!" Izzie exclaimed harshly and both George and Christina froze. "While you two were playing hide and seek or Dr Phil or whatever it was you two were doing, Zadie collapsed and was rushed into surgery. So no, it wasn't a cool surgery I joined in on." Izzie turned on the spot and started to walk towards the party of three, leaving George and Christina behind

"Izzie!" Skye smiled widely and stood up. "God it took a while... We started to wonder if something had happened..." When Izzie didn't answer, but just continued to walk up to them, Skye's smile quickly faded. "Nothing happened right?"

"Izzie?" Alex said, as both him and Mark stood up as well.

"I-" Izzie stopped and looked at them. It was really odd how it could in a matter of seconds change for cheerful happiness to unknowing despair without her saying anything. But maybe that was it: she didn't say anything. "Zadie's on a coma..."

"What?"

TBC


	24. What's Wrong With Me?

**Chapter 24 - _What's Wrong With Me?!_**

"What?" Addison was instantly struck with, believe it or not, a huge wave of guilt as soon as Meredith had closed her mouth.

Meredith bit her lip to stop it from trembling and she could feel the slight iron-like taste of blood when letting go to speak. "Sh-she, she... ehm, she coll- ah, collapsed." she swallowed as the tears started to fall down her cheek, but she quickly wiped them away. "She had to have an emergency surgery..."

"Meredith, I'm sorry I said what I... I didn't..."

Meredith could hear Addison speak, but she didn't pay attention. She couldn't, when all she could concentrate on was the person coming towards her in his deep blue scrubs and dark brown hair in uneaven curls. He had a tired look upon his face, and when they made eye contact, Meredit knew. He didn't have to say anything, she didn't have to ask, it was all over his face, in the deep eyes, everywhere. Something had gone wrong, something, or pretty much everything to Meredith, had gone wrong.

Skye covered her mouth, but a shrill scream slipped passed her hand and she instantly sat down again. She could feel her eyelashes clump together by tears as all sorts of things rushed through her head. Zadie's face flashed before her eyes, smiling, then not. Under the short moment no one said anything, everything from their frist school day to what she'd do without Zadie rushed through her thoughts. Skye didn't know much about medicin and hospitals, but just enough to know that if one's condition can change from okay to coma in the matter of a couple of hours, it isn't good. Really not good.

The look on Izzie's face didn't help much either.

"What do you mean?" Mark exclaimed and ran both his hands through the short and grey, but resonably thick hair. "I mean what happened? What did you find on the scan?"

Izzie took a breath and opened her mouth. "When Zadie hit her head, it caused her brain to bleed, and she was taken to surgery..." she tried to look comforting but at the moment it wasn't too easy.

Mark nodded in shock, but at the same time he looked suspiciously at Izzie who for a second looked away.

"Ehm, Alex?" he said and looked at his fellow plastic surgeon. "Would you take Skye so that she can call her parents so they know she's here, maybe get her another cup of coffee or something and then meet us upstairs?"

"Sure, of course..." Alex nodded and put and fatherly arm around Skye, leading her out from the court yard.

When they were gone Mark moved close to Izzie who looked up, a little surprised. "That was not the whole story was it? I saw it in your face..."

Izzie looked down again and she wiped away a little shiny drop from her cheek before meeting Mark's eyes again.

"You were just making it easier for Skye..." he put a hand on Izzie's arm. "How bad is it really?"

Izzie gave out a weak smile, crying. "God...! I shouldn't be reacting like this!" she said and wiped away the tears. "I haven't even known her a day...!"

"She's not hard to like..." he smiled comforting, despite the fact that inside he didn't know what to do. "Izzie? How bad?"

"It is a subdural hematoma, an acute one..." she swallowed. "We could see how it spread, on the screen. Then Zadie passed out when she was still inside the camera due to that the inter crainial pressure became to high..."

"But she's stable for now right? I mean the surgery went okay?" Mark said looking at Izzie, shook her head.

"If we would have discovered that it was a chronic one that didn't evolve as fast, she'd almost be sitting in her bed smiling now." Izzie said sadly and tilted her head. "It was- was... close a few times, I'm- m not gonna say that it wasn't. So as it is now, we don't know, it's too soon to tell. The next 72 hours is what matters. I mean it was only 15 minutes since Derek finished it up and-"

Mark jerked and looked point blank at Izzie closed her mouth and stopped her words. "What?!"

"I'm sorry I mentioned him but I thought-"

"Derek!? Derek did the surgery!?" Mark exclaimed, laudly, almost shouted. "Who cleared him to do that!? How could anyone let him operate on his own daughter?!"

"There was no one else! It was either letting him watch his daughter die or letting him do the surgery and I think the choice is quite obvious."

"I know that!" Mark sighed and closed his eyes, while shaking his head carefully. "I know..." he paused. "Is he okay?"

Izzie looked oddly at him and crossed her arms, frowning slightly.

"Okay... I know what kind of picture you have of me. I can imagine what Addison have told you about me... Cause you are friends with Addison right? And you feel bad about that because you also want to be Meredith's friend again. But after all it was Addison who made Meredith go..."

Izzie looked down. She hated that he was right. Addison had said a lot of things about Mark. That he was an idiot that couldn't be faithful for a second and that the empror penguin was more monagomus than he would ever be.

He was right on all parts. She felt bad about being friends, and having fun with Addison, when she knew, that Addison was actually, a big part of the reason behind Meredith's escape.

"And is that why your friend is standing behind the bushes over there" Mark pointed over Izzie's shoulder and turned around looking at Christina and George who stood exactly where she had left them.

Izzie looked at Mark and smiled slightly. "Yeah, amongst other things..." she nodded. "Derek's in pieces. But he pulled through the surgery like any other. He even started with saying what he always do: 'It's a beautiful day to save lives on-"

"... let's have some fun..." Mark continued, smiling. He looked at Izzie who smiled back with the dark brown eyes sparkling. Then something happened...

"Yeah..." Izzie said and looked down, feeling her cheeks redened a little but instantly felt bad because of what was happening now while someone they both cared about very much was on the edge of living or not. Izzie cleard her thraot and crossed her arms across her chest. "Ehm, Derek's was going to tell Meredith..."

"Oh no..." Mark sighed and rubbed his chin. "Meredith... God... Where is she? Do you know?"

"No or I mean, I think she's stillup by the scan..."Izzie rambled and as soon as the word left her lips Mark rushed past her to make his way up to Meredith.

When Izzie turned around she saw George stepping out from behind the bushes followed by Christina.

"We heard, Izzie... Is she going to be all right?" George asked concered, as Izzie met them half way. "Is there anything we should do?"

"She's gonna need us..." Izzie said as she started to walk faster, in mind to follow after Mark and both George and Christina did the same. "She's gonna need us, she's gonna need her friends..." she looked slightly at Christina who looked, frankly, terrified, but still kept it cool. "She's gonna need you Christina..."

Christina swallowed, biting her lip. Hearing that, she felt something inside. It was what she had wanted to hear since the day Meredith left. That she needed her. Turning to Izzie she nodded firmly. "Yeah... She is..."

"Meredith..." Derek said quietly as he stopped infront of her. She looked pale and her breathing was uneaven. "She..."

"No..." she whispered, shaking her head. Meredith didn't want to think about what could have happen: what had happened, but yet it was the only thing on her mind. "She..."

Derek saw a diamond tear roll down her cheek and he raised his hand and touched her face to wipe it off. He felt her shiver underneath his fingers, and she smiled carefully at her. "She..."

"Don't..." she cried, shaking her head. "I..."

"She pulled through..." he simply said, still with his hand on Meredith cheek. "She's alive..."

Meredith froze. She didn't know if she heard him. She wasn't sure that it wasn't just herself creating in her head what she wanted to hear. That she wasn't imagining.

"It's not really good, but it isn't really bad either... She's still here..." Derek nodded as she took away his hand from her cheek and squeesed it hard.

Meredith felt her breating becoming faster and faster and the tears started to flood down her cheeks. She could hear Derek say her name, asking her if she was alright. Meredith was alright, but everything just broke infront of her, shecouldn't help it. People may think that she should be jumping up and down of joy. Joy she felt, but she also felt exhaustion. She couldn't help the tears, they just came.

"Meredith... Calm down..." Derek took her in his arms and felt her sobbing against her chest, and as she left it the tears had made little wet spots on the dark blue fabric. "Take a deep breath... Calm down... A deep breath..."

"I can't! I can't!" Meredith cried in panic. "Crap! My daughter survived and I can't stop crying...! Crap! What is wrong with me...?"

"Calm down... Calm down..." Derek sank down on the floor with Meredith in his arms. Carefully patting her hair, her breathing settled and he kissed her on her forehead "I love you..." he whispered, but she didn't react. She was finally at peace and that was all he ever wanted for the moment.

Addison had made her departure as soon as Derek had turned up. She didn't want to see what would happen. Partly because it would hurt for her to see it, and partly because she felt so guilty about her behaviour towards Meredith. Addison was really sorry for what she said, and she did care about Zadie's condition. She just didn't want to get to know it like that; first hand. Besides, Addison had work to do, or atleat that was one of her excuses.

Rounding a corner with her eyes lowered, she crashed into a man's chest.

"I'm so sorry..." she said putting her glasses back on and pulling back her hair. "I didn' see-" stopped, looking oddly at the so familiar man, who smiled stiffly looking just as surprised as Addison felt.

"Addison..." he said he said and touched the place on his chest where her forehead had hit. "Hi..."

"Mark..."

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**A/N: **Hope you enjoyed it... well yeah that was all i wanted to say... oh, yeah... reviews would be great:)


	25. An Encounter

**So, I am ashamed that ti has taken me so long to pull myself together and post this, because you guys have been such good readers. So I apologize for this very late update... Anyways, if you forgive me, this is a rather short but quite neccessary... So, have a good time...!**

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**CHAPTER 25 – AN ENCOUNTER **

"Mark?"

The surprise hit Addison every time she said his name. Never in a million years, had she imagined to bump into him. Actually, she hadn't expected ever to meet him again, because Mark Sloan was to her a closed chapter.

"What are you doing here?" she started to ramble. "What are you doing here?"

Mark flashed hi bright smiled for a split second and crossed his arms over his chest. "Hi Addison. Nice to see you too... It's been a while. How are you?"

Addison paused for a while and just looked at him. He seemed to look good... healthy... probably no blocked arteries there... She blinked, and got her sense back. "Why did you say you were here again?"

"I didn't..." Mark looked down. "Look... I-"

"Oh yeah..." Addison called out and put a realizing hand to her forehead. "You're here for that consult right? The little boy..."

Yet again, Mark looked down and took a deep breath to gather some strength. "No... I'm here with Meredith..."

"What?" Addison looked oddly at him, almost giving out something resembling an insecure laugh. "What?"

"Her daughter, Zadie..." Mark scratched his forehead. "You look surprised... I guess you haven't heard about-"

"I have... heard..." Addison mumbled and smiled slightly in desperation. "In fact, I think... Derek and I just... might have, ehm, broken up... so to speak... ah, because of this..."

"Oh..." Mark looked down. "I..."

"I was just surprised that you and Meredith ehm, are..."

"... friends..." Mark filled in and looked at Addison who tilted her head to the side. "I helped her, she helped me and here we are... Look, I gotta go and check how she's doing... with everything..."

"Of course..." Addison nodded as Mark walked up alongside with her. "Yeah... Tell her I'm-"

"I know..." Mark nodded and as he passed her he swept a friendly hand on her shoulder. "See you Addison..."

She looked long after he had passed the corner and hated what he still had the unknowing power to do to her...

_**TBC**_


	26. Reason To Love You

**CHAPTER 26 – REASON TO LOVE YOU**

Derek looked at the woman lying peacefully on the bed. Her breathing was finally calm. Just going up and down, in and out.

Meredith had fallen asleep in his arms there on the floor and he had then carried her to an empty exam room… And before that he had said he loved her. Derek couldn't believe how that slipped past his lips. Or in a way he could. He had just broken up with his Addison, and the, maybe love of his life, lain in his arms. But now afterwards Derek felt that was the problem. He had, at least what he thought, broken up with his wife and Meredith had lain in his arms crying. He didn't want her to believe he said it out of pity or in a try to calm her down. Or even worse, because that that he had just ended things with Addison. Frankly, Derek didn't know if that was in fact the case. What if it was?

He sighed and pulled a hand through his dreamy, and he smiled. He remembered when Meredith used to call him that… Behind his back of course, but still she had thought he was dreamy… Derek wondered if she still considered him dreamy. He hoped so. Though, he had to admit to himself that a little grayness had appeared the last years. And some wrinkles around the eyes. But most of the dreaminess was still there.

Anyhow he hoped Meredith remembered that, and hopefully some of the good times they had had together. Derek still laughed sometimes when he thought of the look upon Meredith's face when she saw him on the first day, how they had kissed in the elevator… All their talks… Surprisingly they did that too sometimes… They didn't just have sex… Great sex… Honestly, he had missed the sex too, how, well, shallow that may sound, but he did. It wasn't like he and Addison had any problems… Not big ones anyways… Addison had long had problems with trusting Derek. That he wasn't thinking of Meredith when making love. Most of the time Derek hadn't, but when she asked, Meredith had for sure popped up in his head.

It was weird really, that a woman he had met fifteen years ago still made his knees weak. And maybe that was the answer to his question. Did he still, love her?

Mark saw the back of the dark blue dressed man and she slowly walked up to him.

Derek and Mark stood side by side for a while, neither saying a word. Perhaps they were afraid, how stupid that might sound for two guys to be, but they probably were.

"She's asleep?" Mark finally said, feeling it was he who should be the one to start.

Derek nodded slowly, continuing to stare though the glass window. "It seems so yeah…"

Another beat of silence, but then Mark gave out a frustrated groan.

"You're weird…" Derek looked oddly at Mark who smiled sheepishly.

"At least I got you to look at me…" he continued to grin widely, but it soon faded out in something more serious. "How could we let a woman come between us…? You know, I think we swore on that when we started college…"

Derek smiled. "Yeah we did… But you're Mark…"

"And you're Derek!"

"Well, you're the one who screwed Rachel Hills the first day in college, when I had clearly stated that I liked her…"

Now it was Mark who looked oddly at Derek. "Ehm, actually it wasn't really that I was referring to, but okay, you're right. That wasn't cool…"

"No, it wasn't…" Derek crossed his arms over his chest. "I'm sorry all this happened too… But I think I'm over it… It was a long time ago…"

"I can see you're over it all…" Mark smiled. "You're still hung up on Meredith... Ma…"

"Shut up," Derek looked at Meredith, who was slowly starting to wake up. "She's Meredith… It's hard to forget her. She's waking up, so I should go check on Zadie."

"Yeah… How is she? Will she be fine?"

"We don't know yet, but hopefully, she will…" Derek smiled a little when he though about Zadie. "Tell Meredith she can go see Zadie now…"

"Yeah, okay..." Mark nodded as Derek started to walk away. "Hey! Derek!"

He turned around. "What?"

"I'm sorry about everything… Rachel Hills too!"

"Haha, I know that now…" Derek continued to walk as yet another smiled spread across his face. "I know that…"


End file.
